Oh my gosh, Zack Snyder and his fans have ruined television and films for everyone. Now WB is making everything dark and gritty because they're allergic to fun. I don't know what a synonym is so everything is dark and gritty. Forge the fact that there are more TV shows right now than ever before. I'm only focused on dark and gritty because I just like complaining about things I don't have to watch. Sometimes, I don't even watch things before complaining about them.
Since the Snyder Cut Cultists have ruined almost everything I figured if you can't beat them, join them. That's why I put together a list of dark and gritty reboots that we need right away. Inject the melancholy, I'm sorry, that's wrong. Inject the dark and gritty directly into my veins.
Sonic XXX 3D
So you've heard of the XXX films starring Vin Diesel, and Ice Cube. You've also heard of Sonic The Hedgehog. I'm proposing in this joyless void that Sonic joins the XXX program and because a government weapon, but extreme. We can even get an edgy pop culture reference in there and call him Sonic Thee Hedgehog, like Meg Thee Stallion. Gotta go fast, gotta go faster, indeed because now there's a bomb strapped to his sneakers that will blow up if he goes below 100MPH. Also he stole Shadow's guns because he thought it would make him cooler. Maybe, we even make Silver the lead, but he's pretending to be Sonic on another world. In the post-credits scene he'll turn into a werewolf and Shadow shouts "motherf*****!"
Powerpuff Women 92'
Look, there were some great villains in that show who would make incredible live action or highly detailed animations. Him, was straight up Stan. Abracadaver, was really messing with my mind as a kid. Some of those episodes were already dark, gritty and warped. It only makes sense to bring them into the modern world. Remember when the Boogyman took over Townsville? The episode when Fuzzy got serious? I'm ready for it, the movie was dark anyway.
Caillou: The Dark Descent
That kid is a demon, time for him to really be one. How about, he's possessed and torments his family. Nobody believes that the kid is a demon and terrible accidents happen to the family. They all become bald. A dingo eats the baby. He drives them insane as he develops a cult of other children that follow him with intent to rise up and welcome demons into this world.
Pokemon Squad
Alright, this one is kind of serious. Set in the world of Detective Pikachu, Ash Ketchum is now a washed up trainer operating and battling in unsanctioned gym battles for money. "Hey aren't you that kid who lost 47 tournaments and won one," becomes part of his daily life. When the ring is busted he's forced to go on the run and defend these battles relying on old friends to help him along the way, but only the trash ones nobody remembers like Ritchie.
Smurfs V Black Smurfs: Dawn of Injustice
You know what's hot right now? Race Wars. You know what else is crazy? There's Black Smurfs that are portrayed as living in deep weeds and are less civilized than their counterparts. They have been made purple in current reprints of the original comics and children's books. They did the right thing, but I'm going to get these jokes off. That's right the friendly Blue Smurfs you all love, are racists. I mean, it makes sense. Look at the pointy white hats, and the leader wears a red one instead of white? You know who else has pointy white hats and follows someone in a pointy red hat? The Klan. Sounds like Smurf Village is a blue's only kind of place.
You can check out some of my short stories at 12 AM Fiction or if you like vampires follow my web serial Exsanguinate and of course hear me on the Powerbomb Jutsu podcast if you enjoy pro wrestling.
Follow @OriginalKingD
