The Problem With Old People

You see it every day, old people talking about: the young punks, the new generation, the degenerates, those damn millennials. It seems like everything we do is met with opposition. The older generations constantly tell us how we're leading such poor lives and with a lack of understanding. Maybe we aren't shit, but you were way worse. One constant theme is how our music is so much worse than the music of that past. Our music is filled with sex, violence, drug usage, and is just plain bad.



Well, I think people are forgetting how bad music of the previous generations was. Well, I think we should look at some of he music from the past. My generation did not begin twerking. May 27, 1994 the platinum selling song Tootsee Roll was released accompanied by a record full of rump shaking rompers.

That is just disgusting, but shall we go back to an even further time? When was the last time a person was named Theodis? The answer that is 1947 meaning he's almost 70 years old. What do old people sing about? Well, let me tell you. They sing about standing up in it. But, what is standing up in it? Well that's when you're in the... you know what. Tell the people Theodis.

I will never look at my grandparents the same way. I can't sleep at night knowing my grandmother told my grandfather to "stand up in it." I can never think of them the same way. Not just them, the old lady at the bank. The old man on the bus. The old couple in the restaurant. They're having dinner and she says some thing. He says "I can't hear" and leans in. She leans in and I assume she says "I love you, and he says "I love you too." No, I was wrong. She whispered "I want you to stand up in it," and he said "Only if you make that tootsie roll." Just trifling.

But while we're talking about sex, let's talk about sex. All I hear about from old people is "these fast tailed little girls," and these "boy can't keep it in their pants." Let's cut the bullshit, and get straight to the point. My generation is more accepting of premarital sex. However, a recent study done by Archive of Sexual Medicine shows that old people are just nasty.

First, on average people 35 and above have 11 sexual partners, compared to 8 of those below 35. People 60 and above come in at the lowest with just 2. People above 35 are also less likely to use condoms. The 60 and above generation doesn't even know what condoms are and that's why they have so many kids. When it comes to losing virginity, despite their negative views on premarital sex majority of our grandfathers lost their virginity at ages 14 and 15 with our grandmothers at 15 and 16. Men and women 35 and above mostly fell into the 17 year old category. My generation is actually less sexually active with most males losing their virginity at 18 and women at 19. On top of that, another 43% over 20 are still virgins. However unlike previous generations this isn't due to religious reasons. The study hypothesizes this is due to a lack of connection, things like social media have made it harder for my generation to make truly meaningful connections. Again, that's just their hypothesis.

I don't sag, wear leggings, skirts, blouses or any of the other things the guys of my generation do. Other than that men's fashion hasn't changed much. Most of us just don't care that much. But, I'm here to defend the "fast tailed girls," as older generations love to call them. I know you think they dress crazy, but again, who the hell are you to judge? Now, I'll give grandmothers a pass. You didn't really have a way to express yourselves. What did you do? Loosen the garter belt a little? Show an ankle? Take the gloves off?

On the left is a picture from the 90s. On the right is a picture from 2015. Tell me, what's the difference? Is it just judgement, while forgetting what you wore? "They're showing so much skin" like you all didn't wear bras with a tank top and call it a day.

Well, what about the violence? Well, violent crime is at an all time low. So I guess that's an exaggeration. I guess it came blamed on cameras being everywhere. Just because you see it more, doesn't mean it's increases. Except police killings, those actually have increased steadily for decades straight with no drops. Drug use? Well, everyone should look at the Baby Boomers who have a double digit lead on all other generations. Alcohol use has actually decreased each generation, especially binge drinking.

My generation isn't perfect, I admit it. However, before complaining about us, lecturing us and throwing us under the bus, I'd like you to do three things.

1. Remember what you were doing at our age
2. Realize it was probably worse
3. Just hold that thought in

You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet
Follow @OriginalKingD