There's a lot of rich superheros. Batman and Tony Stark are billionaires. T'Challa has trillions of dollars. Recently even Peter Parker moved into the top paid heroes rank. Hell, even Moon Knight has millions. Then there's broke heroes like Sam Wilson, who is constantly borrowing money from Misty Knight. But, then there's really really broke heroes. I've sat down and come up with a list of the brokest heroes. They broke phi broke, they ain't got it.
Luke Cage and Jessica Jones
Everyone knows Luke Cage is one of my favorite heroes. That doesn't change the fact that he's broke, he's always been broke. He tracked Dr. Doom down because Doom owed him less than $100 and he wanted his money. He had Heroes for Hire but that didn't work out so he went back to being broke. But at least he had love. He married Jessica Jones, but guess what? She's broke too. She's a half ass private detective who rarely takes a case or gets paid for the ones she does take. They don't have any money at all. They need to take donations on the spot when they stop a crime. I guess Danny refusing to stay out of their lives is a good thing because he's got that generational wealth and is always there to lend a hand to his broke friends because they're the only ones that put up with him.
Squirrel Girl
Sure she's young. Her primary source of income has been as a nanny to superheroes. Who are her main clients? Luke and Jessica. We already discussed this. Luke and Jessica don't have any money. They must be paying her in peanuts. She needs to get another job or something because she's never gonna hit the big times messing with those two. They can barely pay the rent without Danny so how are they gonna pay her? I hope she gets a nice check for her superhero actions or something because Luke and Jessica can't afford to pay her anything more than an average babysitter gets for a few hours on a weekend, but she's a whole nanny. She needs to file a lawsuit because they are paying her way under minimum wage, unless Danny covered this bill too.
Kyle Rayner
Kyle is a graphic designer and that might be a lucrative career. Except Kyle has lived in two places, New York City and Los Angeles. Two of the most expensive places to live in the United States. On top of that he doesn't always get his submissions in on time because of his Green Lantern duties. Hitman actually nicknamed him the Green Tightwad. Kyle usually ends up living off one of his girlfriends but they usually end up dead or evil so that doesn't work out either. The worst thing about it is that he knows he's broke. You know why Hitman called him the Green Tightwad? Because Kyle drank all the beer Hitman paid for and then couldn't buy a single beer using the excuse that he couldn't carry money because his suit had no pockets. You store a lantern in a pocket of space and time but couldn't get ten dollars in there?
D-Man
D-Man or Dennis has been a professional wrestler, a hero and a villain, then a hero again. Dennis suffers from an unnamed mental illness and that has caused some ups and downs in his life. But, before that, back in the day he was homeless for a while. He stated he wanted to be a hero for the homeless and rejected Avengers membership at one point. Then it turned out, he was actually homeless himself. This all came to light when he was arrested for vagrancy. He survived by stealing from places he saved. Sometimes food, sometimes things he could pawn later. While he vanished for a while and was presumed homeless, as Captain America Sam Wilson pulled him out of the gutter to work on his team.
Wally West
People love Wally West. He was missed by a lot of people during The New 52 and they rejoiced when he returned. What a lot of people don't realize is he was homeless for two issues back in the day. He was broke and living with his mother when the police came and evicted everyone in the apartment building. Wally couldn't find his mother and spent about a week on the streets. He was so hungry he lost his powers and at one point at a dirty pretzel off the ground. An old man took him to a homeless camp where Flash rogue The Pied Piper came to feed homeless people every night. Eventually he managed to get back on his feet by moving in with Linda Park who took care of him as he remained unemployed for years before getting a job as a mechanic.
Next time you're feeling down about being broke, don't feel bad. Your favorite superhero might just be broke, or even homeless.
You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet. You can also check out his playthrough of Sleeping Dogs or Skyrim
Luke Cage and Jessica Jones
Everyone knows Luke Cage is one of my favorite heroes. That doesn't change the fact that he's broke, he's always been broke. He tracked Dr. Doom down because Doom owed him less than $100 and he wanted his money. He had Heroes for Hire but that didn't work out so he went back to being broke. But at least he had love. He married Jessica Jones, but guess what? She's broke too. She's a half ass private detective who rarely takes a case or gets paid for the ones she does take. They don't have any money at all. They need to take donations on the spot when they stop a crime. I guess Danny refusing to stay out of their lives is a good thing because he's got that generational wealth and is always there to lend a hand to his broke friends because they're the only ones that put up with him.
Squirrel Girl
Sure she's young. Her primary source of income has been as a nanny to superheroes. Who are her main clients? Luke and Jessica. We already discussed this. Luke and Jessica don't have any money. They must be paying her in peanuts. She needs to get another job or something because she's never gonna hit the big times messing with those two. They can barely pay the rent without Danny so how are they gonna pay her? I hope she gets a nice check for her superhero actions or something because Luke and Jessica can't afford to pay her anything more than an average babysitter gets for a few hours on a weekend, but she's a whole nanny. She needs to file a lawsuit because they are paying her way under minimum wage, unless Danny covered this bill too.
Kyle Rayner
Kyle is a graphic designer and that might be a lucrative career. Except Kyle has lived in two places, New York City and Los Angeles. Two of the most expensive places to live in the United States. On top of that he doesn't always get his submissions in on time because of his Green Lantern duties. Hitman actually nicknamed him the Green Tightwad. Kyle usually ends up living off one of his girlfriends but they usually end up dead or evil so that doesn't work out either. The worst thing about it is that he knows he's broke. You know why Hitman called him the Green Tightwad? Because Kyle drank all the beer Hitman paid for and then couldn't buy a single beer using the excuse that he couldn't carry money because his suit had no pockets. You store a lantern in a pocket of space and time but couldn't get ten dollars in there?
D-Man
D-Man or Dennis has been a professional wrestler, a hero and a villain, then a hero again. Dennis suffers from an unnamed mental illness and that has caused some ups and downs in his life. But, before that, back in the day he was homeless for a while. He stated he wanted to be a hero for the homeless and rejected Avengers membership at one point. Then it turned out, he was actually homeless himself. This all came to light when he was arrested for vagrancy. He survived by stealing from places he saved. Sometimes food, sometimes things he could pawn later. While he vanished for a while and was presumed homeless, as Captain America Sam Wilson pulled him out of the gutter to work on his team.
Wally West
People love Wally West. He was missed by a lot of people during The New 52 and they rejoiced when he returned. What a lot of people don't realize is he was homeless for two issues back in the day. He was broke and living with his mother when the police came and evicted everyone in the apartment building. Wally couldn't find his mother and spent about a week on the streets. He was so hungry he lost his powers and at one point at a dirty pretzel off the ground. An old man took him to a homeless camp where Flash rogue The Pied Piper came to feed homeless people every night. Eventually he managed to get back on his feet by moving in with Linda Park who took care of him as he remained unemployed for years before getting a job as a mechanic.
Next time you're feeling down about being broke, don't feel bad. Your favorite superhero might just be broke, or even homeless.
You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet. You can also check out his playthrough of Sleeping Dogs or Skyrim
