If you follow @BlerdsOnline on twitter you know in 2016 I decided I would sit down and watch all of Star Trek in chronological order, except the animated series. Well, everyone was excited because I would be putting "fresh young eyes" on the series and I was encouraged to keep a "captain's log." The thing nobody told me is that the series had over 700 episodes. I probably will not finish in 2016.
Well tonight I chose to sit down and watch the first episode, in chronological order. That was Broken Bow of Star Trek: Enterprise, but it was a two parter so I watched the second as well. The thing is, everyone instantly informed me that Enterprise was the worst series in Star Trek so I messed up already and would hate the series. That isn't true I didn't hate every moment of it. I thought some were rather enjoyable.
Something crazy I recognized right away is that Star Trek obviously played a huge factor in the influence of Mass Effect. Jacob is basically Travis with no emotion. There's blue strippers, that's obviously the inspiration for Asari. It was cool seeing some of these influences.
So after the short opening teaser the actual story begins. A Klingon is fleeing through a farm from some alien assassins. He manages to kill them and escape capture, only to get shot in the chest by a farmer with a shotgun. It doesn't matter how superior your tech is, a shotgun to the chest at close range will apparently fuck you up.
Fast forward and the alien is in critical condition. The Vulcans want to let him die and call it a day but the humans call in Captain Johnathan Archer, an every man who is the only person that doesn't wear uniform. I hate him already. He literally threatens to knock one of the Vulcans on her ass before they say "fine, take him home."
Fast forward and he's got a crew together and man is it a weird crew. Travis is a pilot and son of a man who may or may not have been a smugler. His only motive for the mission seems to be having sex with more aliens. Trip is Archer's best friend and he's annoying as fuck. I don't care what anyone says he's just an annoying ass dude bro. His main contributions were flying a small shuttle horribly and begging Travis for more information about his sexual exploits. There's a guy named Michael. He's in charge of security but he sucks at his job. Why is he even on the ship? Hoshi Sato is the communications expert however she is immediately rendered useless because Dr. Phlonx the crazy doctor has a universal translator. Lastly is T'Pol who is a Vulcan High Commander who just decided she would tag along and be a buzz kill.
Out in spice the Klingon named Klaang comes back to consciousness and he starts freaking out. Sato attempts to translate but Klaang is delirious and rambling. In come some Suliban attack, who clearly inspired Thane, attack. They kidnap Klaang but one is killed. After Sato translates Klaang's ramblings she learns T'Pol and the Vulcans are liars.
They track down Klaang and learn that separate sect of Suliban are trying to turn a cold war into an intergalactic war. Archer is injured escaping and they just miss retrieving Klaang. They come upon a group of, I shit you not, hundreds of Suliban ships. Somehow they survive a battle with them all, infiltrate a ship. Retrieve Klaang and escape. It seems like Archer is left behind but he's pulled back to the ship with the new teleporter. They deliver Klaang and T'Pol quits her job with the Vulcan High Council to join the crew as they explore the galaxy.
So there's some problems I have with this episode. First off Archer is an entitled asshole. I can not stand him. He literally expects everything to be given to him. "My dad designed the engines I get to be captain of the ship" "I know you're the actual pilot but Trip is my best friend and I want him to fly the ship." Archer acts like the guy who says "I want to speak to your manager" because you put too much ice in their drink.
Trip is a typical dude bro and he sucks at his job. Why does he keep Travis about sex with aliens? Why does he keep teasing Travis growing up on a cargo ship? Then there's the random ass scene where Trip and T'Pol rub gel on themselves in each other with strange close ups. Star Trek almost turned into a softcore porn but at least they're equal offenders because there was a close up of Trip's crotch and one of T'Pol's breast.
I didn't hate Star Trek after this episode. I also didn't fall in love with it. I do have favorite characters already. Travis who literally gave Archer the "I'm tired of this white people shit," look after he was told he couldn't pilot the shuttle because Archer wanted Trip to do it, when Trip didn't even understand the controls. I also love Dr. Phlox. He didn't play a major role but I love him because he's crazy as fuck.
You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet
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