5 More Completely Useless Superheroes

A while back we covered 5 completely useless superheroes. Well, I wish those were the only useless superheroes, but life isn't that simple. I've taken the time to compile files on 5 more useless heroes. 5 more heroes that would be of no help at all.

1. The Red Bee

Who is The Red Bee? He's a superhero named Raleigh. Does he have awesome powers? No. Weapons specialist? No. Brilliant strategist? No. Martial Artist? No. Peak Human? No. The Red Bee keeps a red bumble bee named Michael in a pouch. He sets the bee free on criminals. The criminals fear this bee. Not really, only the criminals who are allergic to bees. I don't even think The Red Bee is a hero. Let's look at some facts. He keeps a rare bee imprisoned and trains it to fight crime. Why not train it to breed a species of more resilient bees? They are in danger of becoming endangered species. The only "criminals," he fights are allergic to bees. How would he know that? Is he reading confidential medical files? What if one of these people go into anaphylactic shock and dies? If anything he's a murder waiting to happen.

2. Extrano

Let me be clear, this is going to sound racist and homophobic but it is the legitimate description of the character. Extrano means odd and Gregorio De La Vega is Extrano the flamboyantly gay Peruvian minor magician who fights crime to put evil in it's place. Let us get one thing clear. This is not a magician like Dr. Fate or Dr. Strane. This is Chris Angel. I'm not joking, check his wikipedia page, his main form of magic is hand tricks that use sticks and balls. Are you keeping up? A flamboyantly gay magician who defeats criminals with hand tricks involving sticks and balls. It gets worse, he was attacked by the gay vampire Hemo-Goblin and contracted severe AIDS over night. You would think the power of all of the homophobia wrapped into one character would make him a powerful hero.

3. Razorback

I will keep this brief because it doesn't deserve more than the 60 seconds I will take to write this description. Buford Hollis is Razorback. He wears spandex and the head of a razorback pig. He has no superpowers and he feels he's qualified to be a superhero because he is really good at driving a semi truck and do things such as pop a wheelie. Useless.

4. Captain Marvel

No, I don't mean Carol Danvers, Billy Batson, Freddy Freeman, Monica Rambeau, Marr-Vell, Genis, Phyla-Vell, The Skrull who thought he was Marr-Vell, Noh-Varr, or even Carol Danvers for the second time. I'm talking Captain Marvel the android who has the ability to split his body into several parts. Additionally, this robot has amnesia and believes he is a human named Roger Winkle, get it, like Rip Van Winkle. He has a side kick name Billy Baxton. Yeah, like Billy Batson AKA Captain Marvel AKA Shazam. Who really wants a robot that falls apart and forgets where it is by your side in battle? Captain Marvel is basically an old person. Bones just falling apart, not sure about the new technology in the world, despite the fact that it's keeping them alive. Worst Captain Marvel ever.

5. Madam Fatal

Madam Fatal is an old lady with a very masculine physique and recently retired from a career of pro wrestling. She fights crime because criminals need to learn a lesson. BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE. It's actually an old man who used the disguise to get back at a man who kidnapped his daughter but kept fighting crime afterwards. Yeah, let it sink in.

You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet
5 More Completely Useless Superheroes 5 More Completely Useless Superheroes Reviewed by Darrell S. on Wednesday, December 16, 2015 Rating: 5


  1. I've heard of the first two plus Madame Fatal, but not the other two. I'd say they're all definitely useless. Great post!

    1. Yeah, I wouldn't want any of them coming to my rescue at all.

  2. Replies
    1. Zan is useless. How many different forms of water are going to be important to a battle? Jayna can turn into any animal or mythological creature. But then again, she needs to touch Zan to use that power so she might be useless too.

  3. Most of these people are going to need to be rescued.


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