5 Completely Useless Superheroes

At some point we all wanted super powers. But, we never stop to consider that we could be the person who ends up with the most useless super powers. Sometimes a character ends up with bad super powers and they should just give up on being a hero, because lets be honest they aren't very super. I've created a list with 5 of the most useless ""super"" "heroes"

1. Matter-Eater Lad

 Matter-Eater Lad is basically a kid with an eating disorder. He eats everything. Things he really shouldn't. Cars, dirt fences, your lunch. Sure this could be useful but why eat a car door when the jaws of life could handle the problem in a few seconds. There is absolutely no situation where eating a lot could be useful. Maybe if Dr. Doom was holding a pie eating contest to determine the fate of the city, but c'mon that's just not going to happen. He should just start a career digging tunnels to help prisoners escape. He's supposed to be a hero, why is he helping prisoners escape? Why is Lad even in his name? He's just useless. Couldn't even come up with a good name like Captain Crunch.
2. Arm Fall Off Boy

His name explains his power. He can take off his arm. Sure it might hurt a bit if he hits you with his arm but what happens when you take his arm and beat him with it? Will he even be able to get close enough before someone just shoots him. I'm not gonna stand by and let you hit me with your arm. Actually,  you don't even have a super power, or power at all. You have leprosy. You're not a hero. Leprosy is contagious and you're spreading it. You should be in jail for your actions. You may just be the sneakiest villain ever. You've been secretly giving people leprosy for years and being applauded for it. Seriously you are not a hero. You need help. You cause people to fall to pieces when they see you coming. This hero thing isn't working for you. You should just break it off.

3. Zeitgeist

No, his ability isn't to create pointless conspiracies. His ability is to vomit at will. He's a "superhero" whose ability lets him throw up on people. I imagine most villains would just get mad and beat him badly. "Forget getting away, this guy just vomited on me and stood proudly." I imagine he's been on the end of a few Jason Todd crowbar style beat downs. But hey, maybe the ladies enjoy vomit. He's got plenty of ladies so I guess that's a plus.

4. Squirrel Girl

She's got a tail, buck teeth capable of chewing through wood and sharp fingernails. She can't even talk to squirrels. She's a furry. She just gets a kick out of dressing as an animal. Seriously who thought a furry would make a great hero? I don't see her winning very many fights. If she doesn't become roadkill I guess that's a good day. But, she does have a claim to fame. Squirrel Girl was a member of the avengers. No, she didn't see any combat but she did babysit for Luke Cage. I mean, did you expect me to say she was fighting? No, she's the babysitter. If she could actually talk to squirrels she could be dangerous in combat. Nobody wants to fight 40 squirrels. She could have been Aquaman on land. No she couldn't have. She's useless unless she was babysitting.

5. Hindsight Lad

Screw this kid. Not only does he have lad in his name but his power is stupid and annoying. His power is to tell you what went wrong in hindsight. He basically tells you how you screwed "looking back we wouldn't have ran out of gas if you filled up the tank last week when you were out" "you would have got an A on that test if you weren't procrastibating" screw this guy seriously. I don't need him hanging around pointing out my mistakes after I make them. Why has nobody killed this guy yet? Like screw this guy. Why was he allowed to grow up to be an adult? "You could have killed me if you threw a hook instead of an uppercut." Don't worry. Hindsight, one day someone will finally kill you.
5 Completely Useless Superheroes 5 Completely Useless Superheroes Reviewed by Darrell S. on Friday, July 25, 2014 Rating: 5

No comments:

Powered by Blogger.