I Just Don't Care Anymore

I've decided to become a carefree black man, just because I can't be bothered to care anymore. Look, it's already hard enough being a black man. We can't even deny that. On top of that, there's so many unwritten rules you have to be aware of, otherwise your entire manhood is in question. The thing is, I just don't care anymore. I can't be bothered with it. It's too stressful watching everything I do to make sure that my manhood can't be questioned. I don't feel like trying to be just like everyone else. I just want chill out and be me. It's way easier.

I think I decided to stop caring when I saw the Vanity Fare photo of Michael B. Jordan and Ryan Coogler. I didn't think anything of the photo, literally nothing at all. I already assumed they were best friends, so it didn't exactly look out of the ordinary to me. I moved on. Then I suddenly saw both men and women coming out of the woodwork like roaches when you turn off the light, with no intentions of scurrying.

What were they saying? The duo was gay. They represented the effeminization of black men and so much more. Can't say I'm really shocked. I've seen it before, time and time again. Just before this image set these people off it was Jaden Smith wearing a skirt. Before that it was Odell Beckham dancing in the club. Before that it was Wale telling Meek Mill he wasn't mad and still had love for him. Time and time again any time you say or do something that doesn't fit this pre-designed mold of what a black man should and has to be you're questioned for it. Why is it cool for Channing Tatum to Vogue, but Odell Beckham needs to release an apology and come out of the closet for creating a dance routine with a friend?

The crazy thing is, I've got pictures just like that. I'm taller than a lot of them now, but growing up my dad and uncles would always cup my head like that. I had no idea it meant we were gay. I've done that same things to cousins. I didn't know we were contributing destruction of the black race through the effeminization of black youth. I thought I was just showing love to my little cousins. Who knew I was setting them off on a trail of questioning their sexuality.

But it's not just physical contact. As a black man you're also not allowed to show an emotions beyond anger and joy. Anything else and you're once again labeled as suspect. Sorry, I'm just an emotional guy. I'm all over the spectrum and people have to just deal with it. I'm going to be sad sometimes, I'm going to be disappointed sometimes. I might even cry sometimes. I'm also going to love.

I'm going to love people, not just romantically, and not just women. No, I'm not coming out as bisexual or anything. I'm just saying I have male friends and I really care about their well being, I might even say I love them, to their faces. To quote Kanye West "You can still love your man and be manly dog." So yeah, go ahead and tell your homie you love him, or at least your dad. It'll trip them out. I know my dad started giggling like a little kid. Love isn't all about romance and sex.

Sometimes you just care about people and to quote Kanye again, this time talking about Jay Z "People never get the flowers while they can still smell them." And it's true, they don't. As black men we often hold in that emotion until one of our homies dies and then we talk about how much we love them. So why shouldn't you tell your homie that you love him?

While mentioning talking to your homies, why not talk them out of a fight? Too many times people end up fighting because they feel their manhood was questioned. That's fine, but the thing is throwing a few fist always escalates. Maybe someone feels they need to just stomp a guy out to prove their manhood. Or maybe someone feels like since they lost the fight they need to kills the guy they lost to, so they could prove their manhood. So much of the unnecessary violence could be avoided if we just didn't care about people questioning our manhood.

It's stupid, and at age 23 I can't do it anymore. I can't let someone else define my manhood. I don't feel like trying to prove how tough I am. In the words of Jadakiss "Why they forcing you to be hard?" I don't know Jadakiss, but I'm done with it. Gonna just focus on trying to finally enjoy life for all it's worth again. I can't be bothered with trying to prove my manhood.

You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet
I Just Don't Care Anymore I Just Don't Care Anymore Reviewed by Darrell S. on Tuesday, March 29, 2016 Rating: 5

12 comments:

  1. Feel they same way. I love talking about how much time I'll spend and all the other shit I want to do with my future wife and kids but when I do people look at me like I'm gay or something. Niggas need to get it together

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    1. Just gotta let that emotion out. Share the happiness with the world.

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  2. This is why I fucks with you Darrell. Your legit the only black guy I know who keeps it real and honest. I have had this dilemma for years and I'm at the same conclusion on the matter. Thank you for being you. You have helped me become a better person more than you ever will know.

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    1. Nah you were already a good person. I had nothing to do with that.

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  3. I'm not saying you're bisexual but, like I said, we all fall on the scale somewhere. You just seem to be okay with expressing your bisexual tendencies without putting them on display. It's okay if you don't want to jump directly into sleeping with other men but as you seemingly accept yourself more you move towards that experimentation. We talked about this in the comments of your piece about pornography.

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    1. That's ignorant.

      Great piece, Darrell. Ignore this crap.

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    2. I have no idea who that guy is but thanks for checking out the piece

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  4. Darrell this is why you're awesome and why you're a great friend and if I could put pictures you know I would be putting Durant's "YOU THE REAL MVP."

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    1. I'm visualizing the pictures right now. I may be the MVP but I wouldn't be here without the whole team.

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    2. Thank you for everything man you really made all of this big. We couldn't do it without you!

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  5. There's literally nothing wrong about that picture smh. I'm tired of people.

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