Wolverine is Trash

James Howlet, Logan or Wolverine, doesn't matter. He's trash and if you didn't know I'm about to give you 20 reasons as to why he's trash. He was born with animal senses and bone claws. After some expirementing he was given adamantium claws, a healing factor and slowed aging process but was also left amnesiac. He's one of the longest standing members of the X-Men and the Avengers.

1. He's got anger issues

2. He's only 5'3 making him one of the shortest heroes around. Not just adult male heroes, but heroes. Miles Morales was 12 when he became Spider-Man and was 5'4. He's 16 now, 18 if you count suspended animation so he probably makes Wolverine look like a dwarf. Squirrel Girl for comparison is a 14 year old girl. She's also 5'3. Black Widow is 5'7. I guess that explains his anger issues, short man syndrome.

3. He's got 7 kids by 7 women that he doesn't raise or even pay child support for.

4. He killed 7 of his kids

5. He's Canadian but has fought for America in all of it's wars. (He was a union soldier)

6. His origin story keeps changing. Sabertooth was his dad at one point. At one point he was an actual Wolverine that transformed into a human. At one point he was Canadian, but everyone seems to forget that, even the writers. Pick a story and stick to it. Logan or James, whatever your name is.

7. In his current origin story he's 135 years old. Others have him anywhere from 150 to 200. Now that's lying about your age.

8. He lost a fight to Spock.

9. He lost a fight to Squirrel Girl.

10. He keeps saying he's a loner, but he's been on 35 different teams which makes him the Marvel character that has been on the most teams.

11. The Hulk ripped him in half and threw part of his body into the forest but he pulled his torso to his legs and survived somehow. It was never explained. He just showed up a few weeks later like "Wow that sucked" no shit, you were disemboweled and somehow managed to craw to your legs without bleeding out. I call bullshit.

12. He survived a nuke. Again, I'm calling bullshit.

13. He was thrown into lava and survived. Guess what I'm calling? If you said bullshit, you're right.

14. He survived decapitation. You know the process.

16. He sleeps with blow up dolls.

17. He killed all 7 of his kids but he's all buddy buddy with his clone. Favortism.

18. Storm used him to get back at T'Challa. T'Challa didn't even divorce her. Shuri annulled the marriage without them knowing. Then T'Challa tells Storm he loves her and she goes "I'm with Wolverine now." They weren't even together yet and Wolverine had even flirted with Storm while she was married to T'Challa. I'm glad Wolverine is dead...but he came back.

19. He killed Northstar. That's a hate crime.

20. He's an old man who tried to steal Jean Gray away from Cyclops. She is a teenager.

You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet

Wolverine is Trash Wolverine is Trash Reviewed by Darrell S. on Tuesday, October 27, 2015 Rating: 5

10 comments:

  1. Ahhh, I waiting for the next installment looool. I do not like Wolverine.

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    Replies
    1. I think a lot of people who read the comics dislike him but the movies have made him really popular.

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  2. I love these posts. Great points, all, but I would count #18 as a Storm problem.

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  3. #21 We're sick of him telling us how he's the best at what he does a gazillion times!

    #22 He's a tired cliché of bad mouth with attitude who smokes and drinks that someone thinks equals cool.

    #23 Every event that's happened in the past he's been there somehow or has hstory with everyone in the world ZZZzzzzz😴😴😴😴 BOOOOORRRRIIINNNGGG!!!!

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    Replies
    1. I'm surprised that haven't connected him to the Roman Empire just yet.

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