Cyberpunk 2077 is Trash

What can I say about Cyberpunk 2077 that hasn't already been said about student loans? It's outdated, archaic, full of false promises, disparaging and down right criminal. Cyberpunk 2077 went from most anticipated to most dilapidated in a single night. You don't need me to tell you why it's trash, because you know. Still, I'm going to tell you anyway.

1. That launch was horrendous, fumbled the bag with that one. Kyrie Irving had to be inspired.

2. How can you blame PS4 and Xbox One for the game being poorly optimized when it was initially developed for those systems? Couldn't even come up with a good excuse. We all saw the debut trailer with those big logos.

3. Transgender people were literally treated as a marketing tool and fetishized just for the game to feature no trans people in meaningful roles. Then there's some racism sprinkled in, especially towards Asian people. 

4. PS4s actually generate enough thrust to become airborne when attempting to play this game.

5. Xbox Ones have been known to reset back to Windows 98 when attempting to play this game.

6. Night City is a terrible name.

7. A city implies various districts with different appeals, styles and so on. Night City looks like warehouse district, or downtown.

8. Watch Dogs: Legion does Night City, better than Night City.

9. Night City be looking like they got a curfew. Got hotdog stands with nobody working them.

10. Batman easter eggs.

11. That inventory system, wow.

12. The reputation of CDPR is basically in the garbage forever. With No Man's Sky a lot of effort has been done to repair reputation and rebuild customer support. With Cyberpunk 2077, they couldn't even stick to the schedule for the apology patches. Instead, they've started hiring for their new game. 

13. I got this game for $6. Not even Ubisoft puts their games on discount that fast. The first Watch Dogs is still $10.

14. If you're going to include the option for genitals, you need to make it detailed. My in game penis looks nothing like my real penis. The other option is you can just do the Saints Row pixelation slider and leave it to the imagination. I'm curious who asked for genitals to be customizable anyway. Like, Saints Row plays it for a joke, but Cyberpunk 2077 was entirely serious. I suggest a genital scan, similar to games that have a face scanner. In reality, I have no idea what the point was. I thin it was just edgy to be edgy. Games have shown genitals before. 

15. There's been a lot of talk about bugs and performance, but it doesn't change the fact that the game is just bad at the end of the day. There's hundreds of guns, but most of them are just reskins of the same guns. There's so much customization, but there's not even a barbershop or paint shop for your car. They put Jackie's death in the trailers as if there was a way to save him, they also put Dexter's betrayal in the damn trailers. These shocking world altering points, were given away for free. It's not even an RPG, none of your choices matter. People killed Fallout 4 claiming they ruined RPGs, meanwhile we got all this talk about how interactive gang warfare would be, and there's no gang warfare. There's no role to play. We were sold on different "life paths," over and over again, and the differences mean nothing. 

16. There is literally a section of the game designed to give players seizures. During the brain dance section, red and white lights flash in the same pattern used by medical professionals to intentionally trigger seizures in patients. This game gave people seizures, and they knew it before the game was released to the public and only decided to do something about it after the game was already in people's hands.

17. Most of the romance options are trash no matter your gender or sexual orientation. Do you want the nomad woman with obvious PTSD, the rogue cop with obvious PTSD, the gang leader with PTSD or the aging rockstar with PTSD.

18. That ending, those endings, are all rather unfulfilling. Mass Effect 3 didn't even have enough clout to pull that "will they die, won't they," kind of BS and Cyberpunk ain't no Mass Effect 3.

19. Why does V sleep in bed like that? Who does that?

20. Honestly, just play the original tabletop game.

21. So Johnny Silverhand was John Wick and Ted Logan at the same time?

22. There's all this talk of Cyberpunk genre, anti-capitalism, anarchy and all those wonderful things. Just for the company to pull some late stage capitalism bullshit. Poland had to step in and investigate the company for forced overtime and failure to meet the expectations they set forth and tying developer pay to review scores. In the word of Amy Winehouse, "what kind of fuckery is this?"

23. "We underestimated the risk of bringing a game optimized for PC to consoles," is a weak way of saying, you half stepped.

24. They knew how badly the game performed when they sent out review copies. The didn't send out any console copies to review, only PC versions. The deliberately tried to hide the state of this game from people.

25. It didn't really matter how bad the game was, it seriously received a bunch of awards post release and we know the state it was in. It received even more nominations

You can check out some of my short stories at 12 AM Fiction or if you like vampires follow my web serial Exsanguinate and of course hear me on the Powerbomb Jutsu podcast if you enjoy pro wrestling.

Cyberpunk 2077 is Trash Cyberpunk 2077 is Trash Reviewed by Darrell S. on Friday, October 15, 2021 Rating: 5

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