Animal Crossing is Trash


Do you hear that? That's right, you don't hear anything. Animal Crossing has taken hold of everyone again. I just don't get why. The games are trash. You know it, I know it, Blathers knows it, Tom Nook knows it, even Timmy and Tommy know it. Here's a list of reasons why Animal Crossing is absolutely trash as a game, a series, and a record label.

1.This is a capitalism simulator

2. Have you ever read Animal Farm?

3. K.K. Slider is a song thief and someone needs to do something about it. He's just stealing real music and people let him do it because dogs are cute.

4. Addictions come and all kinds of different forms. Animal Crossing is one such addiction. People never put these games down, except that mobile version but we don't talk about that.

5. As soon as a new game comes out, people abandon their old villages. Remember that village you had on Gamecube? What about Wild World? Just forget those huh?

6. Time Travel yields terrible results. You gave us time travel, let us use it.

7. Lyle basically commits insurance fraud and we've been helping him.

8. You can't pick your villagers. Everyone has their favorite, and they probably can't even see them most of the time. You have to scheme and act nefariously to get them to your village and they might not even stay.

9. Blathers is just Owl from Whinnie The Pooh this is copyright infringement and we're not going to say anything about it?

10. Tom Nook is evil

11. If it was a good series, it would be on multiple platforms, like The Sims.

12. You think this game is relaxing? Is being straddled with thousands of bells of debt from the start fun? You got bills to pay and you do it by selling fruit? You'll never pay off that house.

13. The soundtrack, trash. All of the games, trash sound track.

14. What the heck is a Gyroid even?

15. Villagers can't replace real friends.

16. These games are formulaic. Every game, same thing. Tom Nook builds you a house, forces you to pay it off doing odd jobs while he manipulates the entire economy. Then when you're done, he builds another wing to your home and the pain starts all over again.

17. Stardew Valley is better.

18. These games used to be far and few between. Nintendo is capitalizing on your nostalgia, makes perfect sense for a capitalism simulator.

19. Coach is terrible. Worst villager ever.

20. It took way too long for these games to give you options for different skin colors.

You can check out some of my fiction at 12 AM Fiction or follow my web serial Exsanguinate and of course hear me on the Powerbomb Jutsu podcast.
Animal Crossing is Trash Animal Crossing is Trash Reviewed by Blerds Online on Friday, April 03, 2020 Rating: 5

2 comments:

  1. How sad to you have to spend all that time writing this article. It is fine to not like it, but this? How sad.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Did someone ask you to play animal crossing? no. so why are you complaining? if you don't know what the game is at all, why call it garbage? and I was also confused by these moments:
    1. "KK Slider steals songs." Hmm, probably stealing from Totaka
    2. "Stardew valley is better"+"These games used to be far and few between". Why then did Stardew Valley come out after Animal Crossing?
    Ugh, it's so dumb

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