Everyone has heard Big Sean's song IDFWU by now. A classical retelling of the phrase "I don't fuck with you." Everyone has a few things they don't fuck with. Well, sometimes you're polite and you just casually avoid those things. Other times you just want to get it off your chest. I want to get it off my chest today. I don't fuck with people who call Virgil Ovid Hawkins "Static Shock."
Now, usually I don't say anything because I don't care. But with the sudden uptick in false caring about black superheroes, I've seen it more and more. Most of the time it's harmless but other times it's annoying. It's always your loud and wrong ass friends who mess it up for you. You know them:
"STATIC SHOCK NEED A NEW MOVIE"
"WHY STATIC SHOCK AIN'T IN NO COMICS"
"CYBORG IS BORING PUT STATIC SHOCK ON"
Then they always try to have a debate with you and it's clear they've never seen anything more than the television series. They half watched it at that because the only time the words "Static Shock" were said together was the opening theme song. Nobody called him Static Shock a single time in the whole series, it was Static every time and the whole time. What were you all watching? Did we see some odd different version of the TV show?
Oh, and you mentally depraved bums are always trying to put down some superhero you don't really know in favor of Static Shock. But Static Shock doesn't exist. You couldn't tell Cyborg from robocop if he wasn't black but you think you got the skill to debate decades worth of comic book appearances based on four seasons of a children's cartoon. You don't know Cyborg. Ain't no Black Spider-Man. His name is Miles Morales and it's just Spider-Man.
Oh, and Black Lightning, my man Black Lightning, the HNIC Black Lightning, is not a Static clone. Black Lightning was around for years, YEARS, before Static. The disrespect of these neanderthals refusing to know their history before speaking on it. DC was creating Black Vulcan as a way to avoid paying for Black Lighting before Static came along. The nerve of these goonies to pretend Static isn't a 90s baby. In fact, they don't know that because the Cartoon didn't come along until the 00s.
Y'all running around here acting like historians because you cut some holes in your arm sleeves like a university professor but still yelling "Static Shock." Shock is what he does, he'll put a shock to your system. We're not calling anyone Batman Breaky Bone. What about Ironman Blaster? Do you not understand the words that are coming out of your own mouths?
Every time someone says it, I impulsively bite my tongue to the point of drawing blood. It sounds so ignorant and ridiculous. You will not soil the name of this good hero because you think you know something. Always the loudest, always the wrongest. Nobody carries a baby for nine and 3/4 months just to name it Static Shock. I can't do this anymore, I don't fuck with you if you call Static by the name of "Static Shock," you're brain dead.
You should buy Darrell's Book, watch him on the Blerds Online YouTube Channel or The CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts.
