9 Songs to Keep The Holiday Party Lit

Christmas songs suck. That's not a secret. If you enjoy them you're probably Satan. Have you ever notice the words for Santa can be rearranged to Satan? That doesn't have anything to do with this but I just thought you should know. Anyway, I sat down and listened to a whole lot of Christmas music, knowing I was on the naughty list and came up with 9 songs to keep that Holiday Party from going down hill faster than Kobe Bryant. Yeah I said it, Kobe is old and we never thought it would happen. Anyway here are 9 Christmas songs to give your holidays that little boost of pep or gangster that's needed. I promise there will be no "I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause" or Rudolph although DMX's version was available.

1. Run DMC - Christmas In Hollis - "It's Christmas time in Hollis Queens, mom's cooking chicken and collard greens," It's the classic rap song for Christmas. That and everyone knows that opening to DMC's verse. Just in case you didn't know DMC stands for devastating mic control. Also, how was Rev. Run going to rob a man?

2. Kanye West ft. G.O.O.D. Music and Dipset - Christmas In Harlem - "Celebrating ChristmaHanuKwanzaakah, rocking dashikis with a yarmulke" Big Sean celebrates all holidays. Yeah, Faux News is not going to like that. Also Kanye starts the first verse on the song by telling people good night. Lastly, Cam'Ron and Jim Jones might be the only people on the song from Harlem. Are they going the Dipset Office to eat on pink tablecloths and only pink wrapping paper is allowed?

3. Ludacris - Ludacrismas - "Tell em all I want for chistmas is two gold front teeth," I don't know if Santa is a licensed orthodontist but he can probably work something out. One think I learned in this song is that Southern people barbecue on Christmas. Why? I guess you guys don't have snow so whatever.

4. Kurtis Blow - Christmas Rappin - "Now I'm the guy named Kurtis Blow and Christmas is one thing I know" Why did Kurtis Blow say his name at the start of every song? I thought he only knew the breaks. Can you believe this was the first rap song ever released by a major label? Well, he's Kurtis Blow and he wants you to know Christmas.

5. Justin Bieber ft. Busta Rhymes - Drummer Boy - "I only spit heat cause I'm playing with the sun, playing for the king, playing for the title, I'm surprised you didn't hear this in the Bible, I'm so tight I might go psycho Christmas time, so here's a recital, I'm so bad like Michael" You would probably think I was crazy if I said Justin Bieber wrecked Busta Rhymes on a track but it happened. Busta spit a whole verse about how good it was to work with Justin and being cold on Christmas and licking food off his fingers. Busta, what was going on?

6. Treacherous Three and Doug E. Fresh - Beat Street Santa's X-Mas Rap - "Man, ya'll should be glad I didn't quit. I'm getting too old for this Santa Claus shit" QUICK somebody get me a funny photo for that awkward moment when Santa is tired of this shit! So Santa is a drunk and fucking up. They're tired of it and Santa is tired of them. The song does raise one serious question, when did hip hop become so homophobic? I ask because Kool Moe Dee seems perfectly okay with gay people and even chastises Special K for thinking otherwise. But back to the fact, they ain't have to do Santa like that.




7. TLC - Sleigh Ride - "C'mon it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you" I'll be honest with you. I'm not sure this song isn't about having sex with Santa. There's bars about Santa trying to "mack in his Cadillac" and "Giddiup in the guts and step on up so we can sleigh ride," If it is about sex with Santa it is way better than hearing about seeing mommy kiss Santa. If it's not about having sex with Santa it's a really enjoyable song still.

8. Juice Crew - Cold Chillin' Christmas - "To my surprise when I awoke on Christmas dawn, I couldn't find my tapes and my lyrics were gone" Santa is stealing rhymes like OG Loc. Also, this song came out the same month as Christmas in Hollis. It's a chill song but it's kind of obvious to see why Run DMC had the hit. Fly Ty actually raps on this song. Fly Ty never rapped and was more of a manager. Big Daddy Kane and MC Shan were both trying to monopolize the mic. Kane needed two verses and Shan's verse was like twice as long as everyone else. It really is a chill song. Get it chill, because winter.

9. Outkast - Players Ball (Original) "Christmas Day" - "Ain't no chiminies in the ghetto so I won't be hangin my socks on no chimneys" Man, Dre made Christmas sound horrible. Big Boi couldn't get his blunt wraps or any gifts but he still enjoyed the day with his family and friends. He really enjoyed that food. Andre just hates the day. Also I totally forgot how gangster Outkast used to be and by Outkast I mean Dre, not Andre 3000, but Dre. Big Boi is still the same but you won't hear Andre 3000 rapping about bending corners and never giving his heart to hood rats. Dre you bringing the mood down.

10. Run The Jewels - A Christmas Fucking Miracle - Admittedly this song is about staying true to yourself. I just wanted to include it so you remember that you shouldn't be all about the gifts on Christmas. Yeah, there's a message in this. Did you expect less from me?

You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet
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