By: E. Young
BrightNightmares.weebly.com
Things are getting mighty tense around here with Ultima Lucha IV on the horizon. As seen with our first shot of the night: Jake Strong… in a suit? Ready to make some deals with the devil himself, Antonio Cueto! After a tense conversation, Cueto reveals his offer to Jake: an Aztec Medallion and an automatic shot at the Gift of the Gods belt. Oh, and by the way? This is Jake’s temple now.
It’s the dawning of the age of the Jake Strong here at the Temple! There’s a hint that there is something otherwordly going on with Jake, but that might be a development for season 5… if/when we get there.
For now, we get straight to the ring. Cueto announces an over-the-top-rope battle royale for our seven contestants and it starts. Right. Now! Cueto loves a concept. If this sounds like a repeat it’s because yes, that’s pretty much how the last GotG tournament went. Which means, I assume, Cueto has something yet up his sleeve…
Our contestants:
Jake’s answer: “NO ONE.” He’s hardcore!
So rather than the six that Cueto finds as his lucky number, we have a Seven to Survive match. At this point, Ultima Lucha Cuatro is pretty much set. But wait a second, Jake hasn’t reached his limit of balling out of control just yet! He needs more grappling! To satiate Jake’s bloodlust, Cueto sets up one-on-one match with… THE UNDAT—I mean, Johnny Mundo! Oh no. Oh no.
(I kind of forgot that Jake/Jack is a fantastic promo when he’s given a chance.)
Meanwhile, Killshot enters the ring for a match with the Mack, with bonus Spectator of Havoc cheering Mack on. This one kind of sucks and rules at the same time due to the conflict Killshot has been having with the Mack, and the fact that the Mack is way more focused on not getting killed by Mil Muertes. Both are giving their all in the match but it feels a little random on tonight’s card and just makes me wish Dante Fox was involved. This match starts off good and could have gone longer, but is ultimately interrupted by Mil Muertes, and then interrupted by Havoc. So… technically Mack wins, but I do believe the true winners are the American people.
Matt announces an impromptu interview with XO Lishus and Ivelisse… say, remember when Vampiro was doing all the lore building interviews of the first and second season? Now we get Matt Striker out here in the ring wearing an Affliction shirt. XO Lishus and Ivelisse announce that their trio is a duo thanks to White Rabbit nearly killing Joey, but they have a replacement: Sammy Guevara! I’m glad to see he’s still around. But this leads to surely the greatest segment of the season:
Famous B comes out and announces that Sammy is actually exclusively bound to Infamous Incorporated for seven years. If he wants a trios match he better pick some inclusive partners like Texano Jr and Dr Wagner! If you don’t bother with backstage politics, this segment was the LU team totally roasting themselves and the El Rey network, Don Callis-style with regards to tying down talent with excessively long deals. Hmm, LU has already subtly killed off a Prince Puma proxy, poked fun at dirt sheets, now deprecating themselves… you okay, girl?
Sammy wants nothing to do with this wack ass contract and defects the hell out of it by trashcanning Famous B. Matt points out that this is not legally binding, so I’m sure we’ll see this crop up again in Ultima Lucha IV.
And at last, the main event as designed by Cueto: Mundo versus Strong. Slamtown versus a real life MonStar. It’s kind of interesting to see two ex-WWE guys in a lucha ring, but we can definitely say Mundo is out here living his best life and Strong is no slouch. And what Johnny does best is drag a fantastic match out of anyone and I’ll bet my (after)life on it. Fortunately, he doesn’t have to try hard with this hulking mountain of a man!
This match is nuts. Go out of your way for it. I only regret that it wasn’t Johnny’s signature match, All Night Long. Can Johnny, fresh from injury, last an hour? I doubt it, but he does his damned best to make it over twenty minutes with Jake Strong. Spot of the night goes to Jake throwing Johnny across the ring like a damn bale of hay. Jake immediately targets Johnny’s legs (legit 100% of his defense/offense) like predatory animals jump on the jugular and for the first time in a long time – maybe ever – we see Johnny in real peril and freaking out. Cool, calm, cocky, and collected Johnny visibly panicking makes Jake look more terrifying than a thousand sacrifice matches!
And then… he taps out. Holy crap, the mayor of Slamtown tapped to save his ankle! Only to be saved by… Matanza?!
Just kidding, Jake leaves Johnny with Matanza and Matanza quickly manhandles him and busts him right open. Taya valiantly comes in to save her man but it only results in both of them getting beat the eff up. It’s genuinely disturbing to watch. Savagery indeed.
Cueto finally calls off the madness and… well! Guess we’ll get out of here before anyone dies. Death equals ratings and we have a PPV to get to! (Except it’s free). So where are we at so far with the card…
3 Way Trios Elimination Match (Reptiles, Rabbits, Ivelisse/Sammy/XO)
Taya vs Ricky Mundo
Havoc vs Killshot
Azteca Jr vs Fenix 2/3 falls
THE DEATH MATCH
Pentagon vs Marty, cero miedo!
But I’m sure we can expect more shenanigans to ensure… after all, there’s at least one episode left.
BrightNightmares.weebly.com
Things are getting mighty tense around here with Ultima Lucha IV on the horizon. As seen with our first shot of the night: Jake Strong… in a suit? Ready to make some deals with the devil himself, Antonio Cueto! After a tense conversation, Cueto reveals his offer to Jake: an Aztec Medallion and an automatic shot at the Gift of the Gods belt. Oh, and by the way? This is Jake’s temple now.
He’s yer boyfriend now, Antonio!
It’s the dawning of the age of the Jake Strong here at the Temple! There’s a hint that there is something otherwordly going on with Jake, but that might be a development for season 5… if/when we get there.
For now, we get straight to the ring. Cueto announces an over-the-top-rope battle royale for our seven contestants and it starts. Right. Now! Cueto loves a concept. If this sounds like a repeat it’s because yes, that’s pretty much how the last GotG tournament went. Which means, I assume, Cueto has something yet up his sleeve…
Our contestants:
- Aerostar in the dope ass black & blue suit!
- PJ Black!
- Hernandez? Where do they keep finding this dude?
- Big Bad Steve!
- King Cuerno? I guess.
- A returning Dante Fox just in time for Killshot to start getting paranoia flashbacks,
- Aaand Jake.
Jake’s answer: “NO ONE.” He’s hardcore!
So rather than the six that Cueto finds as his lucky number, we have a Seven to Survive match. At this point, Ultima Lucha Cuatro is pretty much set. But wait a second, Jake hasn’t reached his limit of balling out of control just yet! He needs more grappling! To satiate Jake’s bloodlust, Cueto sets up one-on-one match with… THE UNDAT—I mean, Johnny Mundo! Oh no. Oh no.
(I kind of forgot that Jake/Jack is a fantastic promo when he’s given a chance.)
Meanwhile, Killshot enters the ring for a match with the Mack, with bonus Spectator of Havoc cheering Mack on. This one kind of sucks and rules at the same time due to the conflict Killshot has been having with the Mack, and the fact that the Mack is way more focused on not getting killed by Mil Muertes. Both are giving their all in the match but it feels a little random on tonight’s card and just makes me wish Dante Fox was involved. This match starts off good and could have gone longer, but is ultimately interrupted by Mil Muertes, and then interrupted by Havoc. So… technically Mack wins, but I do believe the true winners are the American people.
Matt announces an impromptu interview with XO Lishus and Ivelisse… say, remember when Vampiro was doing all the lore building interviews of the first and second season? Now we get Matt Striker out here in the ring wearing an Affliction shirt. XO Lishus and Ivelisse announce that their trio is a duo thanks to White Rabbit nearly killing Joey, but they have a replacement: Sammy Guevara! I’m glad to see he’s still around. But this leads to surely the greatest segment of the season:
Famous B comes out and announces that Sammy is actually exclusively bound to Infamous Incorporated for seven years. If he wants a trios match he better pick some inclusive partners like Texano Jr and Dr Wagner! If you don’t bother with backstage politics, this segment was the LU team totally roasting themselves and the El Rey network, Don Callis-style with regards to tying down talent with excessively long deals. Hmm, LU has already subtly killed off a Prince Puma proxy, poked fun at dirt sheets, now deprecating themselves… you okay, girl?
Sammy wants nothing to do with this wack ass contract and defects the hell out of it by trashcanning Famous B. Matt points out that this is not legally binding, so I’m sure we’ll see this crop up again in Ultima Lucha IV.
And at last, the main event as designed by Cueto: Mundo versus Strong. Slamtown versus a real life MonStar. It’s kind of interesting to see two ex-WWE guys in a lucha ring, but we can definitely say Mundo is out here living his best life and Strong is no slouch. And what Johnny does best is drag a fantastic match out of anyone and I’ll bet my (after)life on it. Fortunately, he doesn’t have to try hard with this hulking mountain of a man!
This match is nuts. Go out of your way for it. I only regret that it wasn’t Johnny’s signature match, All Night Long. Can Johnny, fresh from injury, last an hour? I doubt it, but he does his damned best to make it over twenty minutes with Jake Strong. Spot of the night goes to Jake throwing Johnny across the ring like a damn bale of hay. Jake immediately targets Johnny’s legs (legit 100% of his defense/offense) like predatory animals jump on the jugular and for the first time in a long time – maybe ever – we see Johnny in real peril and freaking out. Cool, calm, cocky, and collected Johnny visibly panicking makes Jake look more terrifying than a thousand sacrifice matches!
And then… he taps out. Holy crap, the mayor of Slamtown tapped to save his ankle! Only to be saved by… Matanza?!
Just kidding, Jake leaves Johnny with Matanza and Matanza quickly manhandles him and busts him right open. Taya valiantly comes in to save her man but it only results in both of them getting beat the eff up. It’s genuinely disturbing to watch. Savagery indeed.
Cueto finally calls off the madness and… well! Guess we’ll get out of here before anyone dies. Death equals ratings and we have a PPV to get to! (Except it’s free). So where are we at so far with the card…
3 Way Trios Elimination Match (Reptiles, Rabbits, Ivelisse/Sammy/XO)
Taya vs Ricky Mundo
Havoc vs Killshot
Azteca Jr vs Fenix 2/3 falls
THE DEATH MATCH
Pentagon vs Marty, cero miedo!
But I’m sure we can expect more shenanigans to ensure… after all, there’s at least one episode left.
Credit: @LuchaElRey
