How Marvel Will Fix All Your Favorite Mutants

With news of the Fox and Disney merger it's only a matter of time until Marvel adds the X-Men to the MCU. But they'll need some fixing to fit in with the house of mouse. We can't have any of that violence and drama they bring to the table so here's how they'll fix them

Wolverine - We all know Logan likes to smoke cigars and drink whisky. He's also the most violent. I'm pretty sure Fox killed him so Marvel couldn't touch him but we know they'll just treat it like the treat the two Hulk movies, pretend they don't exist even if they are cannon, they are. Edward Norton is your Hulk. What happened? Anyway, the smoking and drinking are gone. None of that from Marvel's Wolverine. Also he doesn't kill people any more. No chopping off limbs and of course language. New Logan will kick behind and chew bubblegum, he's all out of bubblegum. Also he won't ride a motorcycle because Captain America has that on lock. You might get X-23, which would be cool, but based on how they treat Black Widow and Scarlet Witch, it won't be what you think it'll be. Wonder Woman showed that people do love female heroes too and they're doing Captain Marvel now so maybe it won't be all bad. But, make no mistake, it will be bad.

Cyclops - He's about to be Captain America. No swearing. Does the right thing, the first time every time. He'll also be a lovable awkward socializer or something.

Professor X - He's just Hank Pym now. An old man who never has his legacy acknowledged. "I built this school for mutants not Emma Frost, this is my legacy. That's why it's Xavier's School," sure. We're just going to overlook you like Hank Pym.

Magneto - THE HOLOCAUST DOESN'T EXIST IN THE MCU. Instead he'll just be Evil Captain America.

Deadpool - Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever Deadpool can. Because there will be no sex, there will be no drugs, no alcohol, no violent murder, none of that shit in the house of mouse. You go in the mouses house and you check that shit at the door. Deadpool is Rated R. The mouse doesn't go past PG. It's a wrap here. Back to Green Lantern you go. He might show up in Spider-Man and be just a plain old goofball or something but the deadpool movies you all love are done. It's a wrap for that.

Beast - Will now be Beast from Beauty and The Beast. Gotta get that cross promotion.

Storm - Storm will now be played by Scarlett Johanson in a role similar to RDJ in Tropic Thunder.

Cable - He's dead. Only Doctor Strange moves through time. Also Cyclops is his dad. Cyclops is not gonna be having pre marital sex in the house of mouse.

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How Marvel Will Fix All Your Favorite Mutants How Marvel Will Fix All Your Favorite Mutants Reviewed by Blerds Online on Friday, July 27, 2018 Rating: 5

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