Men Don't Have Real Friends

The other day Michelle Obama was having an open discussion during the first Obama conference. During that discussion she stated that men are conditioned to become entitled which leads to us shutting down emotionally. She goes on to state that because of this, we don't have any real friends. Barack Obama doesn't have any real friends and women are just better at making friends so they're able to talk things out, come to mutual understandings, keep each other on the right paths in life and generally support each other.

Initially, I didn't think anything of these comments. I passed them off as she wasn't speaking about me. The same way "men are trash," statements don't bother me. Couldn't be talking about me. However, unlike the "men are trash," statements the words of Michelle Obama stuck with me and nagged at me. Over and over again the thought kept creeping back into my head. Do men not have real friends?

I came to the conclusion was right. Men don't have real friends. Sure, we've got friends we grab a drink with, go to a game, see a movie or whatever. But, we don't have any real friends. What I mean by real friends is that you're able to open up to these people. They know things about your life, emotional standing and so on. Men don't have that kind of connection. Sure, you might talk with your friend about how the job has you stressed out. You might even tell him your girlfriend is tripping. But, sometimes, those friends don't even know where you work. You're not going to tell him what's going on with you and the spouse because that's not any of his business.

I hang out with a group of guys I've known since child hood. They barely know anything about me. I barely know anything about them. They know I went to college. Half don't know what I majored in. Not even a fourth know what I do for a living and even then, they don't know where I do it at. Unless they set me up on a blind date, they don't who I'm dating. I don't know who they're dating. My uncle once joked about how he used to be homophobic until he found out his best friend had been openly gay for a decade because men don't know anything about their friends. It's true, we just don't.

I wouldn't say it's because we don't care. I know in my situation, I do care. I care a lot, and I always tell my friends if they just need somewhere to talk, I'm always here. The problem is, as men, sometimes that comes off as creepy, so I hang back. Sometimes I hear about how a job is treating a friend and I want to say "nah, you can't do that. I'll help you get your resume out there. You don't have to take that." In reality, I'll just say "damn bruh, that's crazy." Michelle is right, I have been conditioned to hide emotion. No matter how many articles I write about not caring if I'm seen as emotional, I still hide emotions without being conscience of it.

Because of that, I'm not a real friend. I have friends I hang out with a few times a month. They aren't real friends. I'm not a real friend to them. There's no connection left between us other than we grew up in the same neighborhood, none of us live in anymore. We're simply friends for the sake of saying we have friends. If we saw each other more than a few weekends each month I'm sure we wouldn't actually like each other. I don't even like them all now.

We don't support each other at all. Two of my friends know about Blerds Online. They don't read any posts. They don't watch any YouTube videos. They don't listen to any podcast. None of them know I released a book. That's fair, I don't know what they do when they're not working. Someone could have an entire series of albums or mixtapes, and I would never encourage people to listen, because I would never know it exists.

Meanwhile, if a woman releases a book, a web series, mixtape or whatever, her friends are out there like a professional marketing team. If she's having problems in a relationship, then it's time for a girls night out and they've got her back. We don't have that as men. We're friends simply for the sake of not being alone. It's just human nature that we don't be alone even if that means surrounding ourselves with people we don't really like.

If a woman is dating a guy that's no good for her, the friends are on it. They let her know why he's trouble. If she's about to go do something that could ruin her life, they're pulling her back to the right path. As men, we don't have each other's backs like that. If I'm going to do something stupid nobody is yelling "please don't do it, reconsider." I just did something stupid. I've dated a lot of women who were no good for me. Do you know how many times a friend has told me, "you need to leave her," or "maybe you should work on you," none. Absolutely zero.

Michelle Obama is right, men don't share emotions. We don't open up to each other. We don't form those close bonds. When we do it's great but for the most part we don't do it. We're often so focused on ourselves we don't stop to ask what our supposed friends are going through. We certainly are entitled in that sense and it's the reason we don't have real friends.

You should buy Darrell's Book, watch him on the Blerds Online YouTube Channel or The CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. 
Men Don't Have Real Friends Men Don't Have Real Friends Reviewed by Blerds Online on Thursday, November 30, 2017 Rating: 5


  1. I have mixed feelings about what you're proposing in this article. I agree to a certain point but I'm more than sure there are genuine males that you can befriend but they are hard AF to find.

    1. You're right. You're my friend my friend T. I'd trust you with my life and I wish you nothing but happiness.

  2. You represent very well what a man brought up in a feminized culture looks like.

    Men are taught to hate themselves from an early age. They are treated as imperfect women. We are told that we are flawed and unwholesome if we do not act feminine. Nearly half the children today don't even have their fathers raising them. I understand why you are eager to live up to female expectation of a what a man should be.


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