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Watching Bad Movies: Bones


Remember when Snoop Dogg tried acting? He's not that good at it, but he tried and that's what counts. He even managed to lead a horror movie that did horrible at the box office. I remember seeing the film at some point when I was younger. Apparently it came out when I was 9 so I have no idea where I would have saw it, because my parents were not going for this. I sat down to watch it again and let me tell you. It is a stinker.

Bones is the story of Jimmy Bones a gangster who was murdered by a group made up of Lupovich, a dirty cop who is never given a first name, Eddie Mack, a drug dealer who Jimmy didn't allow to sell in his area and Jeremiah Peet, who was Jimmy's partner. They leave Jimmy's body in his home and seal it up leaving him to rot. A few years later Jerimiah's kids Bill, Patrick, their step-sister Tia and their best friend Maurice plan to buy the building and turn it into a night club.

Patrick meets and falls in love with a girl named Cynthia and falls in love with her. Cynthia's mother is named Pearl played by the timeless beauty Pam Grier who used to be Jimmy's girlfriend. They open the club and Maurice gets murdered, Jimmy sets the club on fire and goes out for revenge. He cuts off the heads of Lupovich and Eddie Mack. The kids try to save him and a bunch of them get murdered. It ends with Pearl setting herself on fire in a dress that had some of Jimmy's blood on it to send him back to Hell. Cynthia is possessed by Jimmy because he's her daddy and she kills Pete the only survivor. There's no winners, everyone loses.

This movie is pure trash. It's never explained why Jimmy's soul manifested as a dog after he died. It's never explained why Jimmy is resurrected when the dog eats. Why did Pearl set herself on fire to burn the dress? They were in a room full of candles. Just take it off and toss it on a candle. Why did Jimmy burn down the club if he only wanted revenge on the three that murdered him? There's so many questions.

The majority of this cast is black, but the stars are the white women with barely any speaking lines. I have no idea why this movie placed such an emphasis on white women. Tia dies, but gets a lot more screen time than the rest of the main cast, and I've got no idea why when the main character is really Patrick. Sometimes she's just hanging in the background. They also make a point to let us know Eddie Mack likes white women more than any other race of women and I've got no idea why. In fact, it's weird, all the married men are married to white women in this film. The only white woman that isn't married is Tia because she's like 19.

Which brings me to another point. Why are teenagers buying a nightclub when they can't even buy alcohol. How did their dad not know until after they had already bought the building? Why did Jimmy Bones have mastery over hell? How did they not know their dad was a drug dealer? There's so many questions. If Bones went missing why did police not raid his home and find the body if he was a notorious gangster? How did one patrol officer prevent an entire murder investigation from happening? This whole movie is just "why."

Pam Grier didn't deserve this. She brought us Foxy Brown and Jackie Brown. Pam, Clifton Powell and Bianca Lawson are really the only ones who got more work after this consistently. Pam and Clifton already had numerous roles so they were gonna be fine, glad Bianca made it out, could have been a rough ride for her career after this one. Jimmy Bones was a killer. A career killer.

The movie was supposed to be an homage to blaxploitation films but that's not the case. I didn't get any of those vibes from this film and I feel like that was just a lie to get around it being so bad. Black Dynamite, Pootie Tang, Undercover Brother, those are more homages that knew what they were doing and played to the tropes. Bones was bad horror movie attempting to cash in on Snoop Dogg's dog motif a decade too late.

You should buy Darrell's Book, watch him on the Blerds Online YouTube Channel or The CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. 
Darrell S.

Hey, I write stuff, a lot of different stuff, that's all.

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