Why The FBI Doesn't Really Want To See What's in People's Phones

There's been a lot of talk going about the FBI wanting to access people's cell phones. There's been a lot of really well laid out arguments against that, as well as reasonable arguments as to why the FBI should access people's phones. Well, this is none of those. I'm just blatantly telling you, the FBI does not want to see what is in people's phones.

Sure, there are some people who phone's need to be checked. You know, people making threats on the internet. People with legitimate connections to criminal organizations or terrorist groups such as Boko Haram, ISIS or the Ku Klux Klan. Suspected stalkers, rapist and known criminals. Of course, those phones should be accessed, but for the rest of the world, you don't want to know what's in our phones.

First there's a lot of phone numbers. Not all of those are even relevant. Phone numbers of exes you really can't stand the sight of. But, you keep their numbers just so you can have them on the block list in the unlikely event that they decide to rekindle and old flame. Now the FBI has millions of scorned exes in their database. Then there's the photos. I'm talking countless harmless photos. Selfies, pictures of grandma's birthday, sunsets, sunrises, and more selfies. The FBI has no need for all these things. Really, they're just a nuisance, and we're saving the FBI time trying to sort through all of this.

But let's be real. There's so much nasty, trifling shit in people's phones you just don't want to see it. You ever have a friend show you a series of photos in their phone and they slide one photo too far. So now you've seen your friend's genitals and you have to sit silently as you both ponder your friendship, and who has the better looking genitalia. Don't act like you've never taken a picture to see how your penis is hanging today or maybe took a picture when you got out the shower to say to yourself "girl, I think my butt getting big." I'm not saying you save them, I'm not saying you send them. But you've done it. Maybe you received a few and saved them.

The FBI does not want to see that. Look, everyone is not an attractive person. Some of us are ugly, it's just a fact of life. We're all have various levels of fitness, ranging from "2 Ton Mom," to "Please Feed Me," to "I Ate Way Too Much," to "I Ate The Person That Ate Too Much," to "All I Know is The Gym," to "You can't prove I use steroids," and so many more. Depending on who you are you find at least one of those to be unattractive and don't want to see it. Don't you think that's how the FBI feels?

Home made pics and videos aren't even the big worry. Porn, porn is the thing here. We all know I'm not a big fan of porn anymore. But a lot of people are REALLY big fans of porn. Porn is mobile and I'm not talking still images and videos of missionary position. I'm talking all that freak nasty porn. People are saving it on their phones. Unless it's child porn, the FBI does not need to be checking on people's porn. "Looks like you're not a terrorist Mr. Jones, but I see you're a fan of BDSM's Greatest Ass Blasters 7, feel free to board your flight." Don't need that. "So we were investigating you for violent threats, and you're clear of those. But your browser history is not clear of Big Booties With Smelly Tooties 78." The FBI does not want that.

But I'll tell you the worst thing. It's not the pics or porn. It's the mixtapes. That's right, it's the mixtapes. If garbage rappers knew the FBI could access their phones they would create viruses to download their mixtapes to your phone. Hoping the FBI would listen to it and play it for the president receiving more publicity than ever. Yes, the FBI shouldn't want to access phones because of mixtapes. A large portion of mixtapes are dangerous. There is a large portion of rappers who are not terrorist, but are tear-ear-ists.

Phones, they hold a lot of information about people these days. Calendars, contacts, events, favorites and so much more. The problem is that so much more. The FBI doesn't want to get into phones because if they know it or not they aren't trying to see everything in people's phones. It's best for the FBI if they just don't look at everyone's phone. Stick to criminals and all that. You don't want to see what kind of strange shit that John from Accounting or Amanda from Human Resources are into.

You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet
Why The FBI Doesn't Really Want To See What's in People's Phones Why The FBI Doesn't Really Want To See What's in People's Phones Reviewed by Darrell S. on Wednesday, March 30, 2016 Rating: 5

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