Title: Chi-Raq
Written By: Spike Lee and Kevin Willmott
Based On: Lysistrata by Aristophanes
Directed By: Spike Lee
Starring: Names have been removed to protect the actors
During the movie Angela Bassett said "Y'all make my tired ass tired" and that's sums up my every feeling about this movie. First off, before we even get into the rant review I need to get a few things off my chest. Usually seeing a movie with Angela Bassett, Samuel L. Jackson, Jennifer Hudson, Dave Chapelle and Wesley Snipes would be the one black movie that would be nothing short of incredible and life changing. I'm actually upset that any of them appeared in the movie. I found myself asking, "Did La La Anthony being in this movie cause the Knicks to start losing? Why is Snoop Pearson in this? She was in The Wire and Steve Harris is an award winning actor. I saw David Patrick Kelly in The Warriors." I give Wesley a pass because jobs have been sparse for him since jail, but Dave Chapelle really came out the house? For this shit?
I want to know, what the fuck is wrong with Spike Lee. He's been tripping for a while now and I thought Red Hook Summer was as bad as he was going to get. You know, praying away molestation? I thought he got it back together with Old Boy and Mike Tyson: Undisputed Truth. I was clearly wrong. So Spike, if you see this, I hope you do because I'm going to tweet it to you, I need you to talk to me. What the fuck is going on? Are you going through some rough shit in your life right now? Is everything okay? Have you considered a therapist? Is this about The Knicks? Talk to me Spike.
Okay, now let's talk about the good things. It's clearly not supposed to be a comedy but I found it funny. Extremely funny. Wesley Snipes reprises his character from Demolition Man with a now comedic style. Isaih Whitlock made an appearance as a club owner, basically reprising his role as Clay Davis from The Wire. It's like what if Clay Davis moved to Chicago and opened a night club? I also have to applaud Angela Bassett, Samuel L. Jackson, Jenifer Hudson and John Cusack. None of them should have even considered this film, but they did. To their credit, they were in here acting their asses off. They probably didn't see the rest of the movie until it was too late because I don't think any of them knew it was a comedy. Wait, it's not a comedy. Wesley Snipes and Dave Chapelle just didn't give a fuck, everyone else was just a bad actor. The white people role playing as Egyptians was pretty funny, because you know, God's of Egypt was destined to flop and they got those jokes in early.
Why was Nick Cannon the star of this film? I'll tell you, because Kanye West dropped out. I don't blame him. The writing in this movie is half-assed. I say that because it's split between to gangs. The Spartans side is clearly written as a serious plot. While the Trojans side is clearly written to be comical. I don't know if Kevin Williams and Spike Lee even spoke when writing this, but they were clearly not on the same page about anything. Except one thing, 90% of statements had to rhyme.
A lot of the character were problems themselves. Don't get me wrong John Cusack was acting his ass off. But, he plays a white savior. He even compares himself to Jesus at one point stating he preaches in the black neighborhood because Jesus "rolled with the sinners and sufferers." He's there to guide the women in their protest and holds the congregation clearly behind him. Then there's Major King Kong. A racist confederate who enjoys sleeping with black women and hates Obama for being a "lying African." But that's not the only shot at Obama. There's also a police officer who is just a bad imitation of Obama, from looks down to speaking pattern. There's also a moment where the older men threaten the one well spoken black male in the movie. There's also a lot of random comments about gay men that just don't make sense. One man complains that gay men are participating in the strike too and quickly gets the wrath of everyone else in the room. Also they switch the age and gender of Angela Bassett's child halfway through. If you watch, she has a 13 year old son that died at the start and at the end it's an 8 year old daughter that died.
You'd think in a "urban musical" that the soundtrack would be better. Especially when most of the lines are rhymed or sang. But it's bad music that is presented as intelligent when it actually just mentions a few events like the deaths of Tamir Rice and Sandra Bland. It really just sticks to a five events at most and constantly name drops Ferguson and Charleston.
The movie fucking sucks and maybe there was a good message when it started but it ends up twisted and convoluted filled with a bunch of unintentional jokes. Additionally, the idea of a sex strike ending violence is fucking stupid. Yes, it has worked in the past, as shown in the film. Yet, those were small feuding villages and towns. Not the United States. The film has not only women on the feuding blocks, but prostitutes in the city, porn stars across the world and women in the whole country. It's a stupid idea. Also the idea that it falls on just women to solve the violence is stupid. The idea they use is that you withhold sex from men until they do everything they can to stop the violence. Yet, none of the men in the movie actually do anything to stop the violence. They just stop killing each other because they're complaining about not having sex. In fact the whole thing just finishes in a sex battle. Then it's interrupted by Cyclops, Wesley Snipes character, who has ended the gangs by himself during the sex strike. Not because he wasn't having sex, because he was. But because he missed the wife he was cheating on. The sex strike didn't even work because the leaders of both gangs were still having sex. Then there's this magical idea where the sex strike caused all of America's problems to be solved. Unemployment is now 0, mental health funding received a large boost and ALL crime in America ended.
Then there's the idea that a woman needs dick to teach her how to be a woman presented. That's not me poorly phrasing it, that's the way it's stated in the movie. The women participating in the strike are told they just don't have enough dick in their life to understand what womanhood means. Meanwhile men who aren't bothered by the strike are presented as less than real men because they continue their day to day life without sex. Or they are "momma's boys" because they aren't running around calling the women "black bitches," and "negro wenches." So in short, if you're not misogynist, you're not a real man.
I didn't walk away from the movie with a moral about no violence. I didn't come to the conclusion that you can pray the violence away. Instead I came to the conclusion that you can't let someone else tell you what your manhood or womanhood means. If there is a sex strike, just masturbate. Lastly, don't take suggestions for bad movies.
If you ever wanted to see Nick Cannon's asshole this movie is for you.
You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet
Follow @OriginalKingD
Written By: Spike Lee and Kevin Willmott
Based On: Lysistrata by Aristophanes
Directed By: Spike Lee
Starring: Names have been removed to protect the actors
During the movie Angela Bassett said "Y'all make my tired ass tired" and that's sums up my every feeling about this movie. First off, before we even get into the
I want to know, what the fuck is wrong with Spike Lee. He's been tripping for a while now and I thought Red Hook Summer was as bad as he was going to get. You know, praying away molestation? I thought he got it back together with Old Boy and Mike Tyson: Undisputed Truth. I was clearly wrong. So Spike, if you see this, I hope you do because I'm going to tweet it to you, I need you to talk to me. What the fuck is going on? Are you going through some rough shit in your life right now? Is everything okay? Have you considered a therapist? Is this about The Knicks? Talk to me Spike.
Okay, now let's talk about the good things. It's clearly not supposed to be a comedy but I found it funny. Extremely funny. Wesley Snipes reprises his character from Demolition Man with a now comedic style. Isaih Whitlock made an appearance as a club owner, basically reprising his role as Clay Davis from The Wire. It's like what if Clay Davis moved to Chicago and opened a night club? I also have to applaud Angela Bassett, Samuel L. Jackson, Jenifer Hudson and John Cusack. None of them should have even considered this film, but they did. To their credit, they were in here acting their asses off. They probably didn't see the rest of the movie until it was too late because I don't think any of them knew it was a comedy. Wait, it's not a comedy. Wesley Snipes and Dave Chapelle just didn't give a fuck, everyone else was just a bad actor. The white people role playing as Egyptians was pretty funny, because you know, God's of Egypt was destined to flop and they got those jokes in early.
Why was Nick Cannon the star of this film? I'll tell you, because Kanye West dropped out. I don't blame him. The writing in this movie is half-assed. I say that because it's split between to gangs. The Spartans side is clearly written as a serious plot. While the Trojans side is clearly written to be comical. I don't know if Kevin Williams and Spike Lee even spoke when writing this, but they were clearly not on the same page about anything. Except one thing, 90% of statements had to rhyme.
A lot of the character were problems themselves. Don't get me wrong John Cusack was acting his ass off. But, he plays a white savior. He even compares himself to Jesus at one point stating he preaches in the black neighborhood because Jesus "rolled with the sinners and sufferers." He's there to guide the women in their protest and holds the congregation clearly behind him. Then there's Major King Kong. A racist confederate who enjoys sleeping with black women and hates Obama for being a "lying African." But that's not the only shot at Obama. There's also a police officer who is just a bad imitation of Obama, from looks down to speaking pattern. There's also a moment where the older men threaten the one well spoken black male in the movie. There's also a lot of random comments about gay men that just don't make sense. One man complains that gay men are participating in the strike too and quickly gets the wrath of everyone else in the room. Also they switch the age and gender of Angela Bassett's child halfway through. If you watch, she has a 13 year old son that died at the start and at the end it's an 8 year old daughter that died.
You'd think in a "urban musical" that the soundtrack would be better. Especially when most of the lines are rhymed or sang. But it's bad music that is presented as intelligent when it actually just mentions a few events like the deaths of Tamir Rice and Sandra Bland. It really just sticks to a five events at most and constantly name drops Ferguson and Charleston.
The movie fucking sucks and maybe there was a good message when it started but it ends up twisted and convoluted filled with a bunch of unintentional jokes. Additionally, the idea of a sex strike ending violence is fucking stupid. Yes, it has worked in the past, as shown in the film. Yet, those were small feuding villages and towns. Not the United States. The film has not only women on the feuding blocks, but prostitutes in the city, porn stars across the world and women in the whole country. It's a stupid idea. Also the idea that it falls on just women to solve the violence is stupid. The idea they use is that you withhold sex from men until they do everything they can to stop the violence. Yet, none of the men in the movie actually do anything to stop the violence. They just stop killing each other because they're complaining about not having sex. In fact the whole thing just finishes in a sex battle. Then it's interrupted by Cyclops, Wesley Snipes character, who has ended the gangs by himself during the sex strike. Not because he wasn't having sex, because he was. But because he missed the wife he was cheating on. The sex strike didn't even work because the leaders of both gangs were still having sex. Then there's this magical idea where the sex strike caused all of America's problems to be solved. Unemployment is now 0, mental health funding received a large boost and ALL crime in America ended.
Then there's the idea that a woman needs dick to teach her how to be a woman presented. That's not me poorly phrasing it, that's the way it's stated in the movie. The women participating in the strike are told they just don't have enough dick in their life to understand what womanhood means. Meanwhile men who aren't bothered by the strike are presented as less than real men because they continue their day to day life without sex. Or they are "momma's boys" because they aren't running around calling the women "black bitches," and "negro wenches." So in short, if you're not misogynist, you're not a real man.
I didn't walk away from the movie with a moral about no violence. I didn't come to the conclusion that you can pray the violence away. Instead I came to the conclusion that you can't let someone else tell you what your manhood or womanhood means. If there is a sex strike, just masturbate. Lastly, don't take suggestions for bad movies.
If you ever wanted to see Nick Cannon's asshole this movie is for you.
You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet
Follow @OriginalKingD
Wow, this movie smells like kentucky fried booty.
ReplyDeleteNah, you can't disrespect KFC by comparing it to this movie.
DeleteI do not fuck with Spike lee anymore. I hope the Knicks never make it to the finals again even tho I like Porzingis
ReplyDeleteSpike Lee has gone crazy. I don't know what's going on with him. Maybe the Knicks downfall just messed up his mind.
DeleteSomeone needs to steal a TARDIS and go get us 1980s early 90s Spike this shit is garbage.
DeleteThat said Spike has always been sexist AF.