Title: Spawn
Screenplay By: Alan B. McElroy
Director: Mark A.Z. Dippé
Starring: Michael Jai White and John Leguizamo
Who doesn't love Spawn? It's a timeless tale of a man being screwed over and overcoming the odds to rise to the top of the world. Wait, that didn't happen. Al Simmons was murdered by his best friend who was sleeping with his wife. But it get's better, no it doesn't. He's forced to become a hell spawn and is chosen to leads Satan's army. He's then sent back to Earth to find out that his wife didn't wait for him, his daughter is calling another man daddy and nobody misses him except his dog. Then when he refuses to work for Satan, he has a bounty placed on his head. Honestly there's nothing happy about reading Spawn's story, except that you didn't have to watch the movie. But I watched it so you wouldn't have to. I'm not sure how it's possible to mess up a story that's already written for you, but they did it.In the comics Al's best friend hires a bad ass mercenary named Chapel. In the film the same thing happens, except the bad ass known as Chapel doesn't exist. The assassin is a woman named Jessica Priest, mainly because the movie needed more good looking women to sell tickets, because trust me, this movie didn't sell them.
Al's death has to be the funniest part of this film. It's far more hilarious than the random one liners he drops throughout the movie. Al was shot with an automatic rifle multiple times. Did that kill him? Nope. The factory they were in manufactured poison gas. Did that kill him? He wishes. Set on fire, did it kill him? Nope. Eventually the gas explodes in a blast that must have used all of the special effects budget not spent on Spawn's cape.
This was the worst trip to hell ever, it seriously did a first person view through a tunnel of what seemed to be ketchup and mustard. Satan looks like a malfunction robot made too look like King Kong, the hair was then dyed white and then it had paper horns glued to it's head. The backdrop to hell was just that, it's clearly a green screen.
So Al returns to Earth and checks in on his family after five years. His daughter thinks he's a creepy pedophile, his wife calls the police on him & he passes out in an evil clowns van. I seriously couldn't make this up. Does this movie sound bad yet? It get's worse. Al's dog is the only person to recognize him. Yes, I called the dog a person, it deserves that credit. The dog has more emotional range than most of the actors. I don't even blame the actors, I've seen Michael Jai White and John Leguizamo in other films, they can act. Why were they so bad in this film?
So Al ends up in alley where he meets a boy named Zack. I don't know if Zack is homeless, he says he lives alone in the alley, then at the end of the movie his dad shows up and says "lets go home". It doesn't matter, he's another character added to sell tickets. His only motive, STEAL AL'S DOG. Zack wants that dog and to get it he'll follow Al everywhere.
Somehow Al magically knew that the people who killed him were having a party, he also randomly knew how to use the suit. This was never explained. There's also some kind of weapon called "Heat 16," never explained. A lot of stuff is never explained. Jason Wynn is the main villain, why? He had nothing to do with Al's death. It's never explained. The Violator is the evil clown from earlier, we have no idea he works for Satan unless you saw him for 5 sec in Hell earlier. They also don't mention his name. If you've never read the comics you just don't know who he is.
I'll tell you what needs no explanation, where the special effects budget went. That cape. That cape is a glorious piece of CGI. There's never a scene where it isn't flowing in the wind, even when there is no wind. The cape also turns into a tank one point in the film. Shhh, don't question it.
Let me explain "Heat 16" since the movie doesn't do that until the last 20 minutes. It's an airborne virus delivered by long range missiles. Shhh, don't question it. Violator convinces Wynn to put a trigger to the bomb in his heart so if he dies the bombs go off. I watched this movie and I have no idea how he convinced him to do that.
Spawn, who only met violator when he saved him from becoming a sex offender then dropped him off in an alley figured out all of the following that was never mentioned to the viewers; Who the violator is, he works for Satan, what "Heat 16" is, how "Heat 16" works, where the Violator's hideout is, Zack wants his dog. He seriously just knows all of that out of the blue. He didn't do any research or anything.
So Spawn confronts Violator, who transforms into a demon, then beats Spawn so bad he hallucinates that he wasn't in this movie. Spawn is then rescued by the homeless version of Gandalf. His name is Clogisotro, but that's never mentioned because none of the actors could say it. He's a Hell Spawn from the middle ages who switched to Team Jesus. He then trains him in a horrible Rocky style montage.
Did I mention Zack tries to steal the dog again. That kid has problems. He's supposed to be a cute kid to sell tickets and make the story relate to other kids. All Zack does is freak me out with his dog fetish. Eventually Spawn just gives him the dog so he'll go away. You could see the tears in the eyes of the dog.
So Jason Wynn kidnaps Al's family, because he knows who Spawn is? Spawn and Gandalf rush in to save them. Somewhere in the middle of the fight Jason explains the dead man switch in his heart. Then Spawn & Clogisotro get sucked into hell to have a random chat with Satan about how Spawn is playing for Team Jesus now. So instead of taking away the powers from Al & Clogisotro right there, he allows them to escape back to Earth.
Back on Earth Al rips out Jason Wynn's heart. WAIT! The switch would set off the bombs if Jason's heart stopped. Apparently ripping out a heart doesn't count as it stopping. Did I mention he did all this in front of his wife & daughter? Somehow ripping out a man's heart made his wife realize it was Al & not some strange pedophile. Al's friend apologizes and Al accepts because you can forgive being murdered, disfigured and having your family stolen. Shhh, don't question it.
Then the Violator turns into a demon enraged by the stupid scene. Spawn decapitates him easily with one swing of his chains. Then the camera cuts to people watching this fight through the windows of a house, because a portal to hell, two hell spawns and a demon couldn't tear off the doors or roof? Zack's dad that he claimed not to have just says "Let's go home" and the credits roll. We have no idea what happened after.
The sole purpose of this film was to confuse you so much that you had to buy the comic books to understand it. The studio admitted they changed characters and added characters to sell tickets and it didn't even work. I'm going to leave on a good note and say three good things. The Makeup is awesome, Spawn's suit is awesome and... Todd McFarlane's film studio only made 4 music videos after this & shut down.
Posted by: King Darrell
Twitter Handle: @OriginalKingD
Screenplay By: Alan B. McElroy
Director: Mark A.Z. Dippé
Starring: Michael Jai White and John Leguizamo
Who doesn't love Spawn? It's a timeless tale of a man being screwed over and overcoming the odds to rise to the top of the world. Wait, that didn't happen. Al Simmons was murdered by his best friend who was sleeping with his wife. But it get's better, no it doesn't. He's forced to become a hell spawn and is chosen to leads Satan's army. He's then sent back to Earth to find out that his wife didn't wait for him, his daughter is calling another man daddy and nobody misses him except his dog. Then when he refuses to work for Satan, he has a bounty placed on his head. Honestly there's nothing happy about reading Spawn's story, except that you didn't have to watch the movie. But I watched it so you wouldn't have to. I'm not sure how it's possible to mess up a story that's already written for you, but they did it.In the comics Al's best friend hires a bad ass mercenary named Chapel. In the film the same thing happens, except the bad ass known as Chapel doesn't exist. The assassin is a woman named Jessica Priest, mainly because the movie needed more good looking women to sell tickets, because trust me, this movie didn't sell them.Al's death has to be the funniest part of this film. It's far more hilarious than the random one liners he drops throughout the movie. Al was shot with an automatic rifle multiple times. Did that kill him? Nope. The factory they were in manufactured poison gas. Did that kill him? He wishes. Set on fire, did it kill him? Nope. Eventually the gas explodes in a blast that must have used all of the special effects budget not spent on Spawn's cape.
This was the worst trip to hell ever, it seriously did a first person view through a tunnel of what seemed to be ketchup and mustard. Satan looks like a malfunction robot made too look like King Kong, the hair was then dyed white and then it had paper horns glued to it's head. The backdrop to hell was just that, it's clearly a green screen.
So Al returns to Earth and checks in on his family after five years. His daughter thinks he's a creepy pedophile, his wife calls the police on him & he passes out in an evil clowns van. I seriously couldn't make this up. Does this movie sound bad yet? It get's worse. Al's dog is the only person to recognize him. Yes, I called the dog a person, it deserves that credit. The dog has more emotional range than most of the actors. I don't even blame the actors, I've seen Michael Jai White and John Leguizamo in other films, they can act. Why were they so bad in this film?
So Al ends up in alley where he meets a boy named Zack. I don't know if Zack is homeless, he says he lives alone in the alley, then at the end of the movie his dad shows up and says "lets go home". It doesn't matter, he's another character added to sell tickets. His only motive, STEAL AL'S DOG. Zack wants that dog and to get it he'll follow Al everywhere.
Somehow Al magically knew that the people who killed him were having a party, he also randomly knew how to use the suit. This was never explained. There's also some kind of weapon called "Heat 16," never explained. A lot of stuff is never explained. Jason Wynn is the main villain, why? He had nothing to do with Al's death. It's never explained. The Violator is the evil clown from earlier, we have no idea he works for Satan unless you saw him for 5 sec in Hell earlier. They also don't mention his name. If you've never read the comics you just don't know who he is.
I'll tell you what needs no explanation, where the special effects budget went. That cape. That cape is a glorious piece of CGI. There's never a scene where it isn't flowing in the wind, even when there is no wind. The cape also turns into a tank one point in the film. Shhh, don't question it.
Let me explain "Heat 16" since the movie doesn't do that until the last 20 minutes. It's an airborne virus delivered by long range missiles. Shhh, don't question it. Violator convinces Wynn to put a trigger to the bomb in his heart so if he dies the bombs go off. I watched this movie and I have no idea how he convinced him to do that.
Spawn, who only met violator when he saved him from becoming a sex offender then dropped him off in an alley figured out all of the following that was never mentioned to the viewers; Who the violator is, he works for Satan, what "Heat 16" is, how "Heat 16" works, where the Violator's hideout is, Zack wants his dog. He seriously just knows all of that out of the blue. He didn't do any research or anything.
So Spawn confronts Violator, who transforms into a demon, then beats Spawn so bad he hallucinates that he wasn't in this movie. Spawn is then rescued by the homeless version of Gandalf. His name is Clogisotro, but that's never mentioned because none of the actors could say it. He's a Hell Spawn from the middle ages who switched to Team Jesus. He then trains him in a horrible Rocky style montage.
Did I mention Zack tries to steal the dog again. That kid has problems. He's supposed to be a cute kid to sell tickets and make the story relate to other kids. All Zack does is freak me out with his dog fetish. Eventually Spawn just gives him the dog so he'll go away. You could see the tears in the eyes of the dog.
So Jason Wynn kidnaps Al's family, because he knows who Spawn is? Spawn and Gandalf rush in to save them. Somewhere in the middle of the fight Jason explains the dead man switch in his heart. Then Spawn & Clogisotro get sucked into hell to have a random chat with Satan about how Spawn is playing for Team Jesus now. So instead of taking away the powers from Al & Clogisotro right there, he allows them to escape back to Earth.
Back on Earth Al rips out Jason Wynn's heart. WAIT! The switch would set off the bombs if Jason's heart stopped. Apparently ripping out a heart doesn't count as it stopping. Did I mention he did all this in front of his wife & daughter? Somehow ripping out a man's heart made his wife realize it was Al & not some strange pedophile. Al's friend apologizes and Al accepts because you can forgive being murdered, disfigured and having your family stolen. Shhh, don't question it.
Then the Violator turns into a demon enraged by the stupid scene. Spawn decapitates him easily with one swing of his chains. Then the camera cuts to people watching this fight through the windows of a house, because a portal to hell, two hell spawns and a demon couldn't tear off the doors or roof? Zack's dad that he claimed not to have just says "Let's go home" and the credits roll. We have no idea what happened after.
The sole purpose of this film was to confuse you so much that you had to buy the comic books to understand it. The studio admitted they changed characters and added characters to sell tickets and it didn't even work. I'm going to leave on a good note and say three good things. The Makeup is awesome, Spawn's suit is awesome and... Todd McFarlane's film studio only made 4 music videos after this & shut down.
Posted by: King Darrell
Twitter Handle: @OriginalKingD
