I Hate Rappers 2 - You're Not Famous

A while ago I put out a post about how I hate rappers. It was mostly me venting about just how annoying rappers can be. Fast forward and I still hate rappers. For every five rappers there's a new reason to hate rappers. With all the YouTube rappers and Twitter rappers making their way into the world of hip hop, there's plenty of new reasons to hate rappers.

Reason number 467 to hate rappers; they seem to believe the number of soundcloud plays they have dictates their level of correctness. The other day I was arguing with a rapper and he said to me "quit being a hater and get your plays up." He included a picture to let me know he had over 5000 soundcloud plays. Why does that matter? I'm not a rapper. There are no soundcloud plays for me performing "New York State of Mind" in the shower. But why would that even matter in a question of who is wrong? "Sorry, your arguments are pretty concrete, but he said you're a hater and he's got 5000 soundcloud plays so I'm going to have to believe him," life does not work like that.

Let me tell you a secret about soundcloud plays. You can just buy them. While there are a lot of artist who undoubtedly work hard to get those plays, their hardwork is tainted by the fact that you can buy 5-20 THOUSAND plays for just $5 depending on where you go. Your soundcloud plays are not a legitimate representation of your ability as an artist. I can release an audio clip of me yelling "YEET" while an old person yells "GET OFF MY LAWN YOU CRAZY KIDS," pay $5 for a few thousand listens and it still won't make me a good rapper or prove the world is flat. 

If you're an independent artist and you're doing shows, good job. Now here's where the problem comes into play. If you're just going to an open mic night and designing flyers and marketing it as your concert, we have a problem. It's not your concert if 40 other people will be there all with 5 minutes of performance time each. You are simply performer number 16 with the bucket hat and new Jordans. If you're performing at open mics to draw attention to your work, more power to you. Just don't pretend it's an honor of the highest caliber comparable to being knighted. I can go to the same open mic as you and recite "Why the caged bird sings" in the stylings of Frank Sinatra to the tune of "Ruff Ryders Anthem," and be just as legit as you. 

While we're talking shows, lets just be honest with ourselves. The CP Time Podcast currently fluctuates between 66 and 83 subscribers. See I'm being honest. Stop tweeting about how you're performing at a sold out show, then releasing a 6 second vine showing nothing but 7 people dancing drunkenly in a circle. That is not a sold out show by any standard. I saw a YouTube video of a rapper performing once. You can tell when they edited in crowd sounds because they looped it and the crowd was nowhere near big enough to make that much noise. Let's just be honest.

Since we're being honest now, lets admit something else. Your fan base is nowhere near as big as you think it is. If you follow 6000 people on Twitter and have 6356 followers, you do not have 6356 fans. You have 6000 #teamfollowback worthless followers and 356 followers that may be relevant. But how many of them actually listen to your music? You don't even know. Rappers love to overestimate their popularity. 

Why are you trying to discredit people by saying that they asked you for a feature? How many of these people are in the exact same position as you? I'm willing to guess all of them. Why do you think someone not having features on rap albums can make you smarter than them? Why are you hyping these features up as if Lil B or Kendrick Lamar called you and asked you to spit your hottest 16. Generic rapper 346 asking for a feature from generic rapper 681 means nothing. 

 

Rappers should also stop lying. Why do you keep lying about signing with Def Jam when you don't even have a mixtape or demo? Def Jam doesn't know you, Interscope doesn't know you, Aftermath doesn't know you. Who are you trying to impress with your lies? If you sign I will be willing to eat my words, but a rapper who has managed to generate zero buzz outside of his Twitter circle is not being signed to a major label tomorrow, the next day or even the next month.

Why do rappers get mad and say things like "I don't even know who you are," in an attempt to seem more popular than they are? This doesn't last long if you prove they actually do know you. The other day I had a rapper call me irrelevant and state he didn't know me. I tweeted a link to his music here on blerdsonline.com, then a screencap of the email he sent asking for us to review his album. People laughed at him and he quickly deleted the tweet and I deleted his music from the site and now he can really say he doesn't know me. The best part is that album never dropped anyway.

I'm going to need rappers to stop getting mad and threatening people with violence. You're not Dr. Dre and I'm not Dee Barnes. I'm just not going out like that. Also, have you ever noticed how small a lot of rappers actually are? Is it like small man syndrome or something? Actually it's small rapper syndrome. It's usually an "up and coming" rapper that threatens violence. Are you going to get street cred by threatening me via the internet? Trust me, people laugh when you use emojis to threaten them.

Why is this list still going? I'm done for now. You know there's just going to be a part 3 in a few months. I'm just going to listen to some Hootie, Darius Rucker, he's not a rapper. Maybe some Tim McGraw. Rappers you did this. Drove me right into the arms of country music. Too many of you are Kanye West with no Kanye checks or Kanye Plaques.

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