Carol Danvers Is Trash

Carol Danvers grew up as the daughter of a textbook misogynist. He refused to pay for Carol's college stating that she should spend more time focusing on finding a good man to take care of her, despite paying for all of her brothers. In the first act of defiance that would become a character trait she left home at 17 and joined the Air Force earning the nickname Ace through her flight skills and that coveted degree. She landed a job at NASA as a test pilot. There a chance meeting where her life was saved by the original Captain Marvel would cause her to be fused with some of his DNA giving her the mutated powers of a Kree. Despite plenty of accomplishments she's still extremely Trash.

1. She never admits when she's wrong. Even Tony Stark was able to admit he was wrong after Civil War. Not Carol, she's always right.

2. Carol once told Monica Rambeu she needed to get over Carol stealing the name Captain Marvel because Monica had changed her name to Spectrum like Carol hasn't had even more names than Monica.

3. Carol can't pick a name. She's been: Ms. Marvel, Binary, Warbird, Major Danvers, Cheeseburger, Captain Whiz Bang, Ace, Venom, and more.

4. She thinks she knows everything. She told Jessica Drew how to raise a baby and even be pregnant.

5. She's not even the first Captain Marvel and technically she gained her powers by stealing the powers from Mar-Vell after having their DNA bonded

6. She got War Machine killed

7. Most of her origin story is the same as Hal Jordan's. Air Force member, finds injured alien, Hal got a ring, Carol got some Kree DNA. In fact it's so much like Hal's Marvel has stated they plan to create a new origin for the comics so people don't call her a copy.

8. Carol Danvers is from Boston, labeled "One of the most racist cities ever," by Michael Che. Some have said it's the Mississippi of the North East

9. She forced her way onto the X-Men despite the fact that she isn't a mutant.

10. Initially Carol Danvers had no idea she was Ms. Marvel, she'd just black out and wake up in strange places like "I'm so forgetful."

11. Ms. Marvel didn't know she was Carol Danvers either. She thought she was an amnesiac super hero.

12. Carol was an alcoholic who refused the help of Tony Stark, another recovering alcoholic because she was too good for that.

13. Rogue beat Carol so badly that Rogue stripped Carol of her powers and memories.

14. The Avengers didn't actually want her on the team at first. She was a temporary replacement for Scarlet Witch. She eventually grew on them like a tumor.

15. She took up the name Captain Marvel because of a hallucination caused by Scarlet Witch in House of M when Carol thought she was the greatest hero ever. It wasn't an homage to the original Captain Marvel

16. She went back to Ms Marvel when it didn't work out for her as Captain Marvel until the villain Moonstone just took the name so Carol was forced to go back to Captain Marvel. Didn't even put up a fight for it.

17. Mystique once framed Carol for the murder of her own boyfriend. Carol never got arrested and never went for revenge. She didn't care and the police didn't care despite her boyfriend being a well known psychologist

18. Carol has lost her memories on 3 separate and unrelated occasions. When she gained her powers, when Rogue beat her up and in an explosion during a battle with a Kree general. Can superheroes suffer from CTE? I'm pretty sure Carol does.

19. Kamala Khan used to look up to Carol, but Carol has been such an asshole that Kamala ripped her posters off the wall. Shame on you Carol for breaking that young hero's heart.

20. The superhero Arachne initially sided with Tony and Carol in Civil War. She switched sides when she was sent to arrest her ex-husband and father of her child. Instead she decided to take her daughter and go on the run, abandoning the war. During Ms. Marvel #6 from the 2006 run, Carol shows up with SHIELD and beats the shit out of Arachne, breaking bones knocking her out multiple times while we get panels of her daughter screaming. At one point she tries to crawl over and protect her daughter, Carol flies down from the air and stomps her with both feet into a crater in front of her child. The girl tries to run to her mother after Arachne is knocked out and is tackled by a SHIELD agent before Arachne is dragged off kicking and screaming. There's also a moment where it appears Arachne is draped over a tree and it appears her neck has been broken, Carol stands over her proudly still emitting energy from her fist. Great job Carol.

Avengers #200 Bonus Round

1. Carol is abducted and mind controlled then raped by a demon who gets her pregnant with himself. He had tried to woo her like a prince first, but it didn't work. She happily celebrates with the Avengers then gives birth before getting angry at them for celebrating with her despite none of them knowing she had been abducted or raped.

2. The child turns out to be Marcus, the son of Immortus. Who used the rape and pregnancy to transfer himself to Earth.

3. He chose Carol because she looked like his mother.

4. His arrival on Earth brings dinosaurs back to life warps reality in other ways. None of The Avengers try to stop him, not even Carol.

5. He sends himself back to Limbo because he actually sees people getting hurt.

6. Carol transports herself to Limbo because she decided that even before the mind control she really did love him and was just playing hard to get.

7. Carol decides to live in Limbo as both Marcus' wife and mother by her free will retiring from the hero community

8. This story passed the Comics Code Authority, but they wouldn't allow black astronauts.

9. When she returns much later in Avengers Annual #10 she joins the X-Men and blames The Avengers, when once again they had no idea she was going to go run off. They were background characters in the story.

10. Jim Shooter the writer behind the story, also the editor that approved the story in obvious violation of oversight, continued to get work. After the story he worked for; Marvel, DC, Dark Horse, and Valiant. Congratulations Image Comics, you have morals.

You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet. You can also check out his playthrough of Sleeping Dogs or Skyrim
Carol Danvers Is Trash Carol Danvers Is Trash Reviewed by Blerds Online on Tuesday, April 04, 2017 Rating: 5

9 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. It was only a matter of time until I told people why I hate her so much. She's Hal Jordan as a woman, and I hate him too.

      Delete
  2. Lmaoo killed all excitement for avengers 4

    ReplyDelete
  3. I co-sign everything in this post.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This article sucks , and so does your vlog

    ReplyDelete
  5. An article I agree with wholeheartedly. Monica Rambeau = definitive Captain Marvel (Marvel version that is)

    ReplyDelete
  6. reading this gave me an aneurysm

    ReplyDelete

Powered by Blogger.