Pokemon GO! is Trash

Pokemon GO! is the mobile game sweeping the world right now. It allows players to go out and catch pokemon in the real world, hatch eggs and take on gyms. Some people have credited with meeting new friends, starting relationships or even curing autistic children of their shyness. It really seems like Pokemon GO! is a great thing. Despite all of this, Pokemon GO! is trash.

1. Pokestops are being placed at people's home. Sorry Mr. Garcia doesn't want to be disturbed all night because you placed a lure in his garden at 2:00am

2. People are being robbed over it.

3. You can only catch the original pokemon, but the sprites come from the most recent version of the game. So there's already sprites for all the Pokemon

4. I don't like Mr. Mime anyways but how can you region lock pokemon when you've been pushing the national dex and pokemon in other regions for more than a decade.

5. Some people don't live in cities so there aren't any pokestops in rural areas

6. There aren't any pokestops in the hood, except at schools and you can't just hang around there as an adult, that shit is creepy.

7. Why can you catch a fully evolved Dragonite with 36CP? Not even Lance was cheating like that

8. You only get xp by leveling up, hatching eggs and visiting pokestops. Leveling up is also the way you get most of your pokeballs so once you're over level 5 and pokestops stop giving out pokeballs you're just screwed until you hatch enough eggs to get a few pokeballs to make it just a little longer

9. What kind of name is Spark?

10. Egg hatching sucks. You can't just walk, you need to leave the app open while you walk but you can't look at it while you walk and apparently if you manage to go over 10MPH it doesn't count it, but you could drive a car at 10MPH and it'll count, as will taping your phone to a ceiling fan

11. Sometimes it freezes when you're catching a pokemon. You owe me a gastly and you will pay what you owe.

12. Suburbs get better pokemon. I caught all my good pokemon by driving through the suburbs putting my young black ass life in danger because there's nothing but weedle, pidgey and rattata in the hood. That's it, I'm not joking, nothing else appears around here.

13. Some of those pokestops are glitchy, sometimes you can hit it from across the street or a moving car. Sometimes you have to be standing on top of the actual monument just so it registers you as close enough.

14. Pokestop locations were created by players of Ingress, most of them did not dare cross into urban areas (that's code for minority) so there weren't really any pokestops in those areas. But, you were allowed to request pokestops and then they turned that off. Looks like I have to go sit in that grade school parking lot if I'm ever going to get more pokeballs. Please don't call the cops.

15. You can't change teams. With most people joining Team Mystic I'm sure a few people would like to switch out for some breathing room.

16. Took me and others whole month to actually start playing because it's 50-50 if the servers will be down.

17. That GPS ain't all that accurate. Some areas the GPS will just not give you an accurate reading, let's say you work downtown, like I do. There's a lot of buildings, technology and all that in the area. GPS just stops trying about 2 blocks away. It's a GPS deadzone...for Pokemon GO!. Google Maps still works.

18. Sick kids can't play because hospitals block GPS signals, you also can't play on public wifi, and not all cell carriers have towers in hospitals, for example T-Mobile. So when you ride by the children's hospital just know they aren't playing Pokemon GO!

19. I can't be the only person who hits the pokemon with the ball and then, nothing happens. I just hit that Tauros in the face with a rock not a pokeball or I need to be able to pick that pokeball back up because it was defective as fuck, also what's with the pokeball freezing in the air and taking 10 seconds to decide if it wants to work or not? Why are these pokeballs multiple choice? This is a dictatorship, they ain't got the right to vote.

20. Parks are supposed to be the gathering point for Pokemon where they're swarming the place and pokestops, unless they're in the hood. So that 2 minute walk to the two local parks side by side only separated by a river that cover a combined 139 acres only have 4 pokestops between them. I can hatch eggs there and catch weedle, pidgey and rattata until my heart is content.

You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet
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