EDDIE MURPHY EDDIE MURPHY EDDIE MURPHY... if you don't listen to the CP Time Podcast that joke isn't for you. Now you're depressed because you don't get it. 1000 Words will leave you depressed too. I can't tell that lie. It'll leave you terrified. 1000 Words is seen as one of Eddie Murphy's worst movies, we haven't forgotten Pluto Nash or Meet Dave. It's not Eddie Murphey's worst movie. It's an amazing horror film. Shhhh. I know it says it's a comedy, but it's really a horror flick.Eddie Murphy is a legendary stand up comedian with a diverse catalog of voices at his disposal. He's transitioned into a life at a book publishing company. He's taken up the alias of Jack. He's obviously seen Fight Club. We're all Jack, this movie is Jack's lack of humor. Jack admits that he only reads the first five and last five pages of any book. He reads ten pages and heads out to convince a monk to sign a book. Was the guy a monk? One second he's preaching silence and meditation to find inner peace, the next he's swagged out in a fresh tuxedo flying first class across the world. Is he a bad monk or a shiesty self help guru? Either way he's shady and this movie could have been avoided if Jack never went near him.
Shifty Monk Dr. Sinja agrees to the deal, but only turns in a five page book. How did he know Jack only reads five pages? That night a magic tree just shows up in Jacks backyard. I'm serious a full grown tree just pops up. Then Dr. Sinja just shows up at Jacks house. How did he know where Jack lives? Anyway they realize that every time Jack says a word a leaf falls from the tree. Dr. Sinja also knows a story about another man who was linked to a tree. The other man died. Dr. Sinja gets out before the story gets disgusting and decides to fly off to South America.
This is when the horror begins to happen. Jack starts trying to destroy the tree. He hits it with an axe, and he bleeds. The blood everywhere. There was so much gore. Not really. When a squirrel climbed the tree Jack was tickled. Then he got high when the gardener sprayed some chemicals on it. Then Jack lost his job, his wife leaves and the only person that believes him is his assistant who secretly wants his job. Everyone is out to get him.
So Jack does what anyone else would do. He donates some money to charity, then he gets drunk and sings Motown songs all night. Eventually his assistant stops him and Jack sits in silence crying about his fate. He tries one last time to get an answer from Dr. Sinja who tells him just make peace with everyone because he'll die. Seriously he said make peace because you can't shut up. Eddie Murphy was just trying to save us from this "film" that is really a tool used to perform abortions.So Jack goes to make peace. He sees his mother. She's been thinking he was his father the entire movie due to her Alzheimer's or Dimentia. They never mentioned. That's just my guess. Once Jack shuts up his mother recognizes him. I guess his father talked a lot too. He wipes a tear and kisses his mother on the head then leaves with a goodbye. He goes to make up with his girlfriend and son. He says he loves them and heads to his father's grave. He thinks about how his mother said he should forgive his father for walking out. He finally forgives him and yells until the last leaf falls from the tree. He passes out. Dead.
That's how it should have ended. What really happened is he got a call from his assistant that woke him up. All the leaves are back and they aren't falling when he talks. Jack goes on to write a book with help from Dr. Swindler. He moves into a home with his family and his mother probably died. That's it. That movie was horrible. Hopefully I've spoiled it for you. If not let me say some more bad things about it, there's plenty.
Eddie Murphy is only funny when he's talking and he didn't even talk for most of this movie. It's Eddie Murphy not Carrot Top, he's not a prop comic. Also, who is this movie aimed at? One moment he's dancing crazy in public, kids would love that. The next scene he's meeting his girlfriend in a hotel for some dominatrix sex. I'm not joking. She had a whip, handcuffs, a paddle and some other stuff. She was ready to go all out on it. But seriously why wasn't Eddie talking. Eddie loves to talk. He's the talkinest damned thing you ever saw. That's a Shrek joke.
You can hear Darrell on the CP Time and Powerbomb Jutsu podcasts. He also plays classic arcade games on The Cabinet
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